William Shakespeare's Jedi the Last Read online

  Copyright © 2018 by Lucasfilm Ltd. & TM. All rights reserved. Used under authorization.

  All rights reserved. Except as authorized under U.S. copyright law, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2017951340

  ISBN: 9781683690870

  Ebook ISBN 9781683690887

  Text by Ian Doescher

  Cover designed by Doogie Horner

  Interior designed by Molly Rose Murphy

  Illustrations by Nicolas Delort

  Production management by John J. McGurk

  Quirk Books

  215 Church Street

  Philadelphia, PA 19106

  quirkbooks.com

  v5.3.1

  a

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act II

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act III

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act IV

  Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act V

  Scene 1

  Afterword

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  CHORUS

  LUKE SKYWALKER, a Jedi Master

  REY, a Jedi hopeful

  GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, of the Resistance

  VICE ADMIRAL AMILYN HOLDO, of the Resistance

  POE DAMERON, a pilot of the Resistance

  FINN, a soldier of the Resistance

  ROSE TICO, of the Resistance

  CHEWBACCA, a Wookiee of the Resistance

  BB-8, Poe’s droid

  C-3PO, a protocol droid

  R2-D2, his companion

  GHOST OF YODA, a Jedi Master

  ADMIRAL ACKBAR, COMMANDER D’ACY, LIEUTENANT CONNIX, TALLIE, and PAIGE TICO, of the Resistance

  SUPREME LEADER SNOKE, of the First Order

  KYLO REN, a dastardly villain of the First Order

  GENERAL HUX, of the First Order

  CAPTAIN PHASMA, a trooper of the First Order

  CAPTAIN PEAVEY and CAPTAIN CANADY, of the First Order

  BB-9E, a droid of the First Order

  MAZ KANATA, a pirate of Takodana

  DJ, a thief of Canto Bight

  MASTER CODEBREAKER, a man of mystery

  ARASHELL, ONIHO, and TEMIRI, children of Canto Bight

  LANAI CARETAKERS OF AHCH-TO, PORGS, FATHIERS, VULPTICES, FIRST ORDER OFFICERS AND STORMTROOPERS, RESISTANCE SOLDIERS AND PILOTS, DROIDS, WORKERS, GUESTS OF CANTO BIGHT, and VARIOUS CREATURES

  PROLOGUE.

  Outer space.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS The cruel First Order o’er the stars do reign,

  For having set th’Republic on a pyre.

  Vile Snoke sends legions forth, thus to attain

  Control throughout the galaxy entire.

  Alone, the bold Resistance fighteth still—

  With General Organa—’gainst the dark.

  They trust the Jedi Luke Skywalker will

  Glow bright enow, their dampen’d hopes to spark.

  Alas, the small Resistance is expos’d—

  First Order speeds toward the Rebel base.

  Their evil, though, shall not run unoppos’d:

  A desperate escape proceeds apace.

  In time so long ago begins our play,

  In burning galaxy far, far away.

  [Exit.

  SCENE 1.

  At the Rebel base on D’Qar and aboard First Order and Resistance ships.

  Enter LIEUTENANT CONNIX and RESISTANCE SOLDIERS.

  CONNIX So shaken as we are, so wan with care,

  I would we could find time for tender peace

  To breathe short-winded accents of new tales

  We shall commence on planets far remote.

  Alas, there is no time, and thus no peace.

  Our quick retreat is nearly at an end,

  And not too soon, for th’enemy doth come.

  The brave Resistance flies like troubl’d bird,

  Which leaves its nest to find a better home.

  Our feathers ruffl’d by our enemies,

  ’Tis ever upward, onward, taking wing,

  E’er looking for a safer, fairer perch.

  Our fearful group migration is in motion,

  Whilst, just behind us, making swift pursuit,

  There cometh the First Order on our tails.

  SOLDIER 1 We cannot make our exit yet, Lieutenant,

  For thirty mighty cannons full remain

  Within the bunker, not aboard a ship,

  Which we must load or lose our precious freight.

  CONNIX I bid thee, sir, think not of our munitions—

  The time for further plans hath flown and pass’d.

  Forget equipment: only people now

  May we take with us, for the time hath come.

  Help board our comrades on the transport—they

  Are all the precious freight we’ll take today.

  But what is that—above! There in the sky!

  Unless mine eyes to play an errant trick,

  ’Tis Star Destroyers—two of them at least—

  Arriving from lightspeed to work us woe!

  Enter GENERAL HUX and CAPTAIN PEAVEY above, on balcony, in the Finalizer, with OFFICER 1.

  HUX No band of rogues could e’er our strength transcend—

  The sharp First Order cuts with purpose true.

  Against our pow’r, Resistance meets its end!

  We search’d the galaxy from end to end,

  And hither to D’Qar we did pursue—

  No band of rogues could e’er our strength transcend.

  And when, upon them, our full might we send,

  A day of peace and order shall ensue—

  Against our pow’r, Resistance meets its end!

  This present getaway we shall forfend,

  Upsetting all the plans they held in view—

  No band of rogues could e’er our strength transcend.

  Should others rise, who with us would contend,

  From this defeat they, too, shall take their cue:

  Against our pow’r, Resistance meets its end!

  Yea, once we see this battle’s dividend,

  We’ll speak a message none may misconstrue:

  No band of rogues could e’er our strength transcend—

  Against our pow’r, Resistance meets its end!

  PEAVEY We have arriv’d upon the very hour

  The cowardly Resistance tries to flee—

  Evacuation is their strategy,

  Attempt to live to fight another day.

  HUX My orders come from Supreme Leader Sn
oke:

  Today we put an end to the Resistance.

  Like cover o’er a flame we’ll snuff them out,

  And leave them naught but smold’ring, smoking ash.

  Tell Captain Canady to prime his ship—

  The mighty Dreadnought, e’en the Fulminatrix—

  To come, incinerate their lowly base,

  Destroy their wretched transports as they fly,

  And then obliterate their fleet entire.

  Enter CAPTAIN CANADY aboard the Fulminatrix, with OFFICER 2.

  CANADY The Dreadnought, vast machine of death and doom,

  Beneath my fingertips is hell’s own heart.

  OFFICER 1 Good Gen’ral Hux, a ship of the Resistance

  Approacheth unto us most brazenly,

  Its shield and guns made ready for attack.

  HUX A single fighter—ha! ’Tis but a jest.

  How can a single fighter take the air

  And stand athwart the passage of a storm?

  Enter POE DAMERON and BB-8 in Poe’s X-wing.

  Enter GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, C-3PO, and RESISTANCE SOLDIERS, aside.

  BB-8 [to Poe:] Reej zoonflew bleeblik flirblip blavflib bloo

  Blox bluurooh blis zooz zzwazoon zoom reej flli.

  POE Pray, speak in beeps of pure contentment, friend.

  Unquestionably, ’tis the most stupendous,

  Most interesting, and the most important

  Heroic undertaking e’er accomplish’d

  Or e’en attempted by a man or droid.

  LEIA In all the annals of this frightful day,

  Let it remember’d be that I oppos’d

  This undertaking, in agreement with

  Sweet BB-8, Commander Dameron.

  POE For thy support I thank thee, General.

  [To Hux:] Attention! ’Tis Commander Dameron—

  Poe Dameron—of the Republic fleet.

  An urgent message I with haste convey

  To Gen’ral Hugs, he of First Order ranks,

  Whose brow is of the coldness of the ice.

  HUX [to Officer 1:] Let thou the scoundrel through to speak withal.

  [To Poe:] ’Tis I, fierce Gen’ral Hux of the First Order.

  The old Republic, like a mildew’d corpse,

  Hath pass’d away, is dead and gone fore’er.

  Your fleet is made of rebel knaves and scum,

  Complete with errant criminals of war.

  Pray, tell thy princess precious she shall have

  No terms for bargaining, surrender none.

  POE This bustle and confusion on the line

  Is terrible. I hold for Gen’ral Hugs?

  HUX I tell thee, this is Hux. Thou and thy friends

  Are doom’d upon this glorious, new day—

  Your filth shall from the galaxy be clean’d,

  No more to spread your rank and wicked ways.

  POE There really is no end to diddling. I

  Shall hold.

  HUX —Art there, thou knave?

  POE —I do remain,

  And beg a thousand pardons for suspicion.

  HUX Canst hear me? [To Officer 1:] Can he hear me? Yea,p he can?

  POE Hux, spell’d with H, a slender, pasty fellow.

  Well educated, with rare pow’r of mind,

  And yet infected with misanthropy.

  HUX I can hear thee and all thy wasted words,

  Canst thou hear me? Tell me, upon thy life.

  POE I cannot hold fore’er. If thou dost see

  The man, pray render unto him this word:

  The general, e’en Leia, hath a message

  To tell him, on the subject of his mother.

  There can be little question, sir, that most

  Of these, the marv’llous rumors now afloat

  About his mother, are but pure inventions.

  PEAVEY [to Hux:] Sir, if I may—the man doth mock at you.

  HUX Fire ev’ry weapon—end his feeble life!

  POE Thus ends my conf’rence with the best of men.

  Good BB-8, now ’tis the time to fly!

  [Poe’s ship flies swiftly ahead.

  PEAVEY He piloteth his craft toward the Dreadnought.

  HUX The foolish man, I’ll warrant, is but mad.

  POE Above the Dreadnought bursts my X-wing fighter,

  To give my friends the small head start they need.

  It may like boasting look, yet ’tis the truth.

  Thus may the transports safely get away,

  And our Resistance play tomorrow’s scene.

  Now, all thy skill employ, Poe, in this fight,

  And take the cannons of the Dreadnought down!

  My fellow pilots, bring the fight anon—

  HUX Hail, Captain Canady, wherefore dost thou

  Not strike the puny ship from off the map?

  CANADY ’Tis far too small and far too close, the twerp.

  We must our fighters scramble—quickly too!

  Forsooth, five minutes past would better be.

  OFFICER 2 They never shall our armor penetrate.

  CANADY To penetrate our armor’s not his aim—

  He shooteth surface cannons one by one.

  POE One cannon doth remain, and it alone,

  But lo, here fly TIE fighters to the fray.

  Myself, I shall be hotly pursu’d by

  A swarm of these men-vermin in their ships.

  Enter TIE FIGHTER PILOTS, in pursuit of POE.

  BB-8 Zilf zoomflig zzwablix zoon flir blayreej bloo

  Rooq zilf bluuflit roil rooh blip blee bliczoom!

  POE Forsooth, I see them, BB-8, and now

  Our situation goes from bad to worse—

  The weapon system of my X-wing fails.

  This occupation’s often full of int’rest!

  The final cannon we must soon destroy,

  Or else th’Resistance bombers shall be ruin’d.

  Pray, ply thy trade and make a miracle.

  BB-8 Flig fllizood flewblic flli zoomroil flibroil!

  Zoon blayzooz blee flib flit, zoodblis blicbloo

  Bleezoom zilf zzwa fligzoon roohblay flliblis

  Reejblip roil zzwarooq flirflit blik bluublis!

  CANADY Now, prime the orbital-bombardment cannon!

  OFFICER 2 They stand both prim’d and ready for you, sir!

  CANADY O wherefore, then, delay? Fire on the base,

  Change their infernal hope into inferno!

  CONNIX The shots come from above—depart, fly hence!

  If e’er thou wert a pilot, be one now!

  SOLDIER 1 Away! The tardy blast doth miss its mark.

  CONNIX [into communicator:] The final transport hath achievèd flight,

  And our evacuation is made whole—

  Sans loss of life, sans pain, sans consequence.

  [Exeunt Connix and Soldier 1.

  LEIA Thou hast a mighty deed accomplish’d, Poe,

  And hath surpass’d mine expectations great.

  Return, I prithee, with thy squadron now,

  That we may flee ere e’en more foes arrive.

  POE Nay, General, ’tis now the time to strike.

  When have we such an opportunity,

  A Dreadnought to destroy? These ships kill fleets.

  The calculus of probabilities

  Doth tell me we’ll not have such chance again.

  To make retreat and leave the ship alone

  Will mean the deaths of many more like us.

  LEIA Nay, thou shalt disengage, Commander, ’tis—

  [Poe turns off his communicator, silencing Leia’s words.

  POE [aside:] Ears, hear ye not
her final utterance.

  If “order” is the word she’s bound to speak,

  Poe bound is to obey his general.

  Yet since I did not plainly hear the word,

  Who knoweth what it was she next would speak?

  I give the facts as I do comprehend them.

  Belike she meant to say, “ ’tis a big ship,”

  Or, verily, “ ’tis an exciting day.”

  LEIA The man would move a saint to shout and curse—

  And I, we may be sure, am not a saint.

  [To C-3PO:] I tell thee, Threepio: remove the nervous

  Expression that doth mar thy golden visage.

  C-3PO O! So shall I endeavor, General.

  [Aside:] Methought my visage plain, not nervous, what?

  POE Good BB-8, I am above the weakness

  Of seeking to establish any sequence

  Betwixt cause and effect, or e’en between

  Disaster and atrocity. Instead,

  I do detail a chain of facts for thee:

  The moment for repair hath come, my droid,

  Or else th’Resistance is undone. Canst do’t?

  BB-8 Zooz bluublox blis flew bleeblav flli flirzoom

  Rooq blaybloo blip zoon zzwaroil flitblik blee!

  POE The trusty droid hath done the deed—I fire!

  The final cannon bursteth into flame.

  The two TIE fighters who pursuèd me

  I sneak behind, then shoot, and stop their breath.

  Hang them and welcome, to be sure, says Poe!

  This is but prelude to the main event—

  The path is clear’d, Resistance friends and colleagues.

  Thus let our bombers enter on the scene.

  Enter RESISTANCE BOMBER PILOTS, including TALLIE and PAIGE TICO, and various X-WING PILOTS.

  OFFICER 2 [to Canady:] Resistance bombers make approach, my captain.

  CANADY Of course they do, as day doth turn to night,

  For there is no more natural event

  Than for a foe to press their deep advantage.

  We shall be slain, if we can stop them not.

  TALLIE Strong bombers, your formation tight maintain,

  And fighters all, protect your bomber comrades.

  This day hath come especially to us:

  Upon this day we may take down a Dreadnought.

  Pray, make this count.

  PILOT 1 —We copy thee, Blue Leader.

  If we but make it there, we shall deliver

  Such shock as will destroy the Dreadnought whole.

  PILOT 2 TIE fighters come, like moths unto a light.