William Shakespeare's Avengers Read online

  © 2021 MARVEL

  All rights reserved. Except as authorized under U.S. copyright law, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

  Doescher, Ian, author.

  Avengers : the complete works / by Ian Doescher.

  Summary: “A Shakespearean adaptation of the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Avengers films”—Provided by publisher.

  LCSH: Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616—Parodies, imitations, etc. | Avengers (Fictitious characters)—Drama.

  LCC PS3604.O3419 A98 2021 | DDC 813.6—dc23   2020047604

  ISBN 9781683692072

  Ebook ISBN 9781683692089

  Typeset in Origami, Knockout, & Bank Gothic

  Designed by Ryan Hayes

  Illustrations by Danny Schlitz

  Production management by John J. McGurk

  Quirk Books

  215 Church Street

  Philadelphia, PA 19106

  quirkbooks.com

  a_prh_5.7.0_c0_r0

  For all the kids: June, Sophie, Caroline, Mae, Mari, Isaac, Rose, Paige, Blaise, Augusta, Khaliah, Joseph, Isabella, Lottie, James, Kevin, Maggie, Ellie, Bryony, Jay, Ruby—ye Avengers small, assemble!

  Contents

  Cover

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Title Page

  Part I. Assemble, Ye Avengers

  List of Illustrations

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I

  Act II

  Act III

  Act IV

  Act V

  Part II. Lo, The Age of Ultron

  List of Illustrations

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I

  Act II

  Act III

  Act IV

  Act V

  Part III. Infinity War’s Tale

  List of Illustrations

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I

  Act II

  Act III

  Act IV

  Act V

  Part IV. The Endgame’s Afoot

  List of Illustrations

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I

  Act II

  Act III

  Act IV

  Act V

  Afterword

  Acknowledgments

  Sonnet 3000

  About the Author

  LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

  “Thou hast much heart, and I shall give thee more.”

  “Director Fury, all is clear’d above.

  I bid you, leave.”

  “From thy mouth to my bones!”

  “All stand down.

  We need not black ops, all is well herein.”

  “ ’Tis call’d an Everlast, but lasteth not

  Against the hurt that ever is Steve Rogers’s.”

  “The perfect stratagem shall come to pass,

  When flaw’d and fragile S.H.I.E.L.D. we shall outclass.”

  “Envision how the ship lifts to the sky—

  Upon its bulk and strength S.H.I.E.L.D. doth rely.”

  “When last I was in Germany, thou rogue,

  And saw a man stand up above the rest,

  The two of us were in grave disagreement.”

  “Wouldst thou have me put down the hammer, yea?”

  “My purpose, though, is to safeguard the good—

  ’Tis why I was entrusted with such pow’rs.”

  “Thou art a monster, sent from blackest hell.”

  “In my worst nightmares, in the darkest hours,

  Ne’er did my soul imagine such a beast.”

  “These were in Coulson’s doublet when he died—

  He never did get you to sign them, Captain.”

  “You fell forth from the sky. Yea, thus you did!”

  “I call the power of the very sky—

  The fulguration of a shocking light.”

  “Ye foes who would to evil ope the door,

  Be wary—thither comes the mighty Thor!”

  “Stand we at the ready: your Avengers!”

  “A puny god.”

  “I fire to give the strong Avengers time,

  I fire in hope of ev’rything I stand for!”

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  chorus

  tony stark, Iron Man

  steve rogers, Captain America

  thor, a god of Asgard

  loki, a god of Asgard, a rogue

  bruce banner, The Hulk

  natasha romanoff, Black Widow

  clint barton, Hawkeye

  nick fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.

  phil coulson, an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

  maria hill, an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

  pepper potts, proprietor of Stark Industries

  jarvis, Stark’s automaton

  dr. erik selvig, a scientist

  S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel, soldiers, thugs, police officers, leviathans, and citizens of New York

  PROLOGUE

  The New World.

  ENTER CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  In reverie, our author—long ago—

  Relaxèd by the Avon’s gentle flow,

  On some June day, as restful sunlight rose;

  Noon pass’d to one, and he began to doze.

  Mayhap his dreams and waking were confus’d, 5

  And in that state with thoughts he was infus’d.

  New notions grew within his mind sincere

  That brought him to this story ye shall hear.

  He conjur’d people of uncommon skill,

  Each one with talents, courage, and goodwill. 10

  In thinking of the Avon, words did twist—

  Now came the word avenge into the list.

  Confounded by this dream, he took a quill,

  Resolvèd to create a world from nil.

  Each character he’d introduce in turn, 15

  Detailing how each one did grow and learn.

  Immed’tely the characters were fashion’d—

  Behold one Tony Stark, a man impassion’d,

  Last heir unto his father’s factories.

  Engross’d and caught midst wartime’s miseries, 20

  He did create the suit of Iron Man—

  Uncouth and yet heroic was his plan.

  Lo, then Bruce Banner came with verdant bulk—

  Kept neath a curse, in anger he is Hulk.

  Increasingly the army sought his pow’r— 25

  Responding to how he o’er them did tow’r,

  One equal unto Hulk the army made.

  Ne’er was such damage as those two convey’d.

  More tales of Stark our author did compose,

  And how a rival—Ivan Vanko—rose, 30

  Nam’d Iron Man the target of his rage,

  Then came with mighty weapons to engage.

  When Justin Hammer aid to Vanko lends,


  Our Stark is nearly beat, ’til help’d by friends.

  The earth was, for our bard, but the beginning— 35

  His bold invention into space went spinning.

  Once there, new planets did his mind pursue,

  Revealing Asgard’s brilliance to our view.

  Came thence a god nam’d Thor, exil’d to earth,

  Asham’d until his honor found rebirth. 40

  Past oceans, to the New World, went our bard,

  To show Steve Rogers, lad by weakness marr’d.

  A genius, Erskine, saw the youth’s potential,

  Increas’d his strength, ’til Rogers was essential.

  Now all by Cap’n America were led, 45

  Afore he fell into a freezing bed.

  More characters were call’d to freedom’s jury,

  E’en Coulson, Barton, Romanoff, and Fury.

  Rehearse we now the story of these few,

  In one play, they shall share a rendezvous— 50

  Converging in our humble author’s mind

  And on this stage, their superpow’rs combin’d!

  [Exit Chorus.

  SCENE 1

  Deep space, and the S.H.I.E.L.D. base.

  ENTER THE OTHER ABOVE, ON BALCONY.

  THE OTHER

  Now is the winter of our discontent

  Made glorious summer by this Tesseract—

  The task for which we have been sent and made

  Shall be prov’d clear in fact and promise both.

  The Tesseract hath been awakenèd. 5

  ’Tis on a little world, a human one.

  Most gladly would they wield its widespread pow’r—

  Our allies, though, know well its potency

  As those vexatious humans never shall.

  The one who hath been sent is prim’d to lead. 10

  Our force, Chitauri, followeth him still.

  A world entire shall soon be his to rule,

  Whilst all the universe is ours to take.

  And humans? Fie! What shall they do but burn?

  [Exit The Other.

  ENTER SOLDIERS AND OTHER S.H.I.E.L.D. PERSONNEL, EVACUATING THE S.H.I.E.L.D. BASE. ENTER NICK FURY, PHIL COULSON, AND MARIA HILL.

  SOLDIER 1

  [on speaker:] All personnel, evacuate anon! 15

  [General pandemonium.

  FURY

  [to Coulson:] How bad is it? How swiftly grows the

  storm?

  COULSON

  Would that we were prognosticators, sir.

  Alas, ’tis just the problem—we know not.

  Our Doctor Selvig register’d a surge

  Of energy that, like a gath’ring cloud, 20

  Burst from the Tesseract mere hours ago.

  FURY

  Yet NASA authoriz’d no test, ’tis true?

  COULSON

  ’Twas not a test. He was not e’en therein,

  Within the room—it was spontaneous.

  HILL

  To plainly speak: it did awake itself? 25

  FURY

  The energy? How are its levels?

  COULSON

  —Rising,

  Like a barometer when tempests pass.

  When Selvig could not shut the object down,

  Evacuation soon became the order.

  FURY

  How long until each person may fly hence? 30

  COULSON

  Methinks the next half hour should see us clear.

  FURY

  Do better or we may be doom’d.

  COULSON

  —At once.

  [Exit Phil Coulson.

  HILL

  Evacuation may be futile, sir.

  FURY

  We should, instead, bid it go back to sleep?

  HILL

  If th’energy of the blue Cube cannot 35

  Controllèd be, a minimum safe distance

  May not exist. What, sir, shall we then do?

  FURY

  Be sure the phase two prototypes are shipp’d.

  HILL

  Is this your answer, your priority?

  FURY

  Until such time as all the world doth end, 40

  We shall behave as though it spinneth on.

  Clear out the tech below, each phase two piece

  Upon a cart and gone.

  HILL

  —It shall be done.

  [Exit Maria Hill.

  FURY

  This scene doth not unfold as I had hop’d—

  The Tesseract hath been a boon to S.H.I.E.L.D., 45

  With promises of better, stronger tools

  To keep us safe from ev’ry enemy.

  Yet if there is disturbance in the Cube—

  Some force that works upon it from afar,

  Or mayhap its own instability— 50

  Our plans shall quickly turn to dust and ash.

  S.H.I.E.L.D.’s interests I shall protect and serve,

  E’en in the face of power such as this.

  ENTER ERIK SELVIG, WORKING WITH THE TESSERACT.

  Good doctor, make report.

  SELVIG

  —Director, sir.

  FURY

  Is aught we know for sure?

  SELVIG

  —The Tesseract 55

  Doth misbehave an ’twere a naughty child.

  FURY

  Art thou in jest?

  SELVIG

  —Nay, by my troth—no jest.

  The Tesseract is active and behaving—

  Behaving like a living being, sir.

  FURY

  Didst thou, then, pull her plug?

  SELVIG

  —She’s energy 60

  Itself, a source of pow’r. We turn it off,

  Yet she doth, like the sunrise, bring it back.

  Were she t’achieve peak level—

  FURY

  —We prepar’d

  For all the complications that arise

  When we do harness energy from space. 65

  SELVIG

  Yet we’ve no harness for this bucking mare.

  My calculations yet are incomplete.

  Meanwhile, she throweth interference off,

  And radiation, lower gamma levels.

  FURY

  Which could be worse than any heat wave, yea? 70

  Where’s Agent Barton?

  SELVIG

  —You refer to th’Hawk?

  Above, perch’d in his nest, where he belongeth.

  ENTER CLINT BARTON ABOVE, ON BALCONY.

  FURY

  Swift Agent Barton, come make thy report.

  [Barton slides a rope down to Fury.

  This detail I did give thee for thine eyes,

  Which see through any fog or squall or maelstrom. 75

  Thou wert suppos’d to keep a view hereon.

  BARTON

  Mine eagle eyes see better from a distance.

  FURY

  Hast aught seen that may set this Cube ablaze?

  BARTON

  None come or take wing on my careful watch,

  And Selvig is reliable, it seems. 80

  No messengers or contacts hither come.

  If tampering hath started this downpour,

  ’Twas not at this end.

  FURY

  —At this end? What mean’st?

  BARTON

  The Cube is but a doorway into space—

  The other end of space, beyond all flight. 85

  Was ever door that op’d but from one side?

  SELVIG

  Beware, th
e Tesseract doth surge again!

  THEY WATCH AS THE TESSERACT EMITS ENERGY AND OPENS A PORTAL. ENTER LOKI THROUGH THE PORTAL.

  FURY

  [to Loki:] I bid you, sir, please set aside your spear.

  [Loki looks at the scepter in his hand, then aims a blast from it toward Fury. Barton pushes Fury out of the way. Guards approach, firing their weapons, and many are killed by Loki.

  LOKI

  [aside:] If ye’d not brought me hither, to this place,

  I’d not have sent them thither, to their deaths. 90

  [To Barton:] Thou hast much heart, and I shall give thee

  more.

  [Loki presses his scepter against Barton’s chest, and some of its energy is released inside Barton. Barton becomes submissive to Loki’s power. Loki does the same to Guard 1. Fury takes the Tesseract and puts it into a case.

  FURY

  [aside:] I’ll hide the Cube and get it hence at once!

  LOKI

  Please do not so; I do have need thereof.

  FURY

  This scene need not be any messier.

  LOKI

  Yea, but it doth. Ha! Thou art wondrous wrong. 95

  Too far I’ve come for aught else. I am Loki,

  Of Asgard, burden’d with a purpose just

  And right—most glor’ous.

  SELVIG

  —Loki, kin to Thor?

  FURY

  We have no quarrel with your mighty people.

  LOKI

  An ant hath neither quarrel with a boot, 100

  And yet the large may stamp upon the small.

  FURY

  Have you come hither but to step on us?

  LOKI

  I come with tidings glad—a world made free,

  No longer bound.

  FURY

  —Yet free from what?

  LOKI

  —E’en freedom,

  Which is life’s greatest lie. Once thou dost know 105

  That truth, within thy heart, thou shalt know peace.

  [Loki presses his scepter against Selvig’s chest, releasing its energy inside Selvig. Selvig becomes submissive to Loki’s power.

  FURY