William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace Read online

  Copyright © 2015 by Lucasfilm Ltd. & TM. All rights reserved.

  Used under authorization.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2014953126

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-819-6

  Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-59474-806-6

  Text by Ian Doescher

  Illustrations by Nicolas Delort

  Production management by John J. McGurk

  Quirk Books

  215 Church Street

  Philadelphia, PA 19106

  quirkbooks.com

  v3.1

  TO ETHAN YOUNGERMAN, BARD OF NEW YORK,

  AND TO CHRIS MARTIN, JEDI OF THE SOUTH.

  TO HEIDI ALTMAN, FORCE IN OLD D.C.,

  AND TO NAOMI WALCOTT, FAR-FLUNG MUSE

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act II Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act III Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act IV Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act V Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Afterword

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  CHORUS

  RUMOR

  YODA, a Jedi Master

  QUI-GON JINN, a Jedi Knight

  OBI-WAN KENOBI, his Jedi apprentice

  MACE WINDU and KI-ADI-MUNDI, Jedi Knights

  QUEEN PADMÉ AMIDALA, of Naboo

  SABÉ, her handmaiden and decoy

  ANAKIN SKYWALKER, a boy of Tatooine

  SHMI SKYWALKER, his mother

  R2-D2, a droid

  C-3PO, a droid

  KITSTER, SEEK, AMEE, and WALD, friends of Anakin

  SIO BIBBLE, governor of Naboo

  CAPTAIN PANAKA and RIC OLIÉ, gentlemen of Naboo

  BOSS NASS, ruler of the Gungan tribe

  JAR JAR BINKS, a Gungan clown

  CAPTAIN TARPALS, a Gungan soldier

  CHANCELL VALORUM, of the Senate

  SENATOR PALPATINE/DARTH SIDIOUS, a senator of Naboo and Sith Lord

  DARTH MAUL, a Sith

  NUTE GUNRAY, viceroy of the Trade Federation

  DAULTAY DOFINE, RUNE HAAKO, and TEY HOW, gentlemen of the Trade Federation

  WATTO, a tradesman of Tatooine

  SEBULBA, a sportsman of Tatooine

  JABBA OF THE HUTT, a gangster

  FODE AND BEED, commentators

  PODRACERS, SENATORS, PILOTS, GUARDS, THE QUEEN’S

  HANDMAIDENS, GUNGANS, DROIDS, and CREATURES

  PROLOGUE.

  Outer space.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  Alack! What dreadful turmoil hath beset

  The strong Republic and its bonds of peace.

  O’er distant trade routes all do sigh and fret

  As fears of grim taxation do increase.

  The greedy, vile Trade Federation hath

  Created a blockade none may pass through.

  With deadly battleships they block the path

  Unto the little planet call’d Naboo.

  Whilst politicians endlessly debate,

  The Chancellor Supreme plies strategy.

  He sends two Jedi to negotiate—

  They who keep peace within the galaxy.

  In time so long ago begins our play,

  In troubl’d galaxy far, far away.

  [Exit.

  SCENE 1.

  Aboard the Republic cruiser and aboard the Trade Federation battleship.

  Enter RUMOR.

  RUMOR

  Open your hearts; for which of you will stop

  The vent of feeling when loud Rumor speaks?

  Her flaming tongue with poison’d tip shall drop

  Unrest from Tatooine to Naboo’s peaks.

  See how, with mere suggestion of a tax,

  Begin star wars that shall your eyes amaze.

  Enraging th’Federation with false facts

  Good sport did make for Rumor’s cunning ways—

  Inciting the Republic to respond

  Now sets the game afoot on ev’ry side.

  Thus shall I cause new worries to be spawn’d:

  Hint of a dark Force rising I’ll provide,

  E’en till the proud Republic longeth for

  Protection from some unknown, looming threat.

  Replete with fear, each heart shall be full sore

  Ere I have ceas’d the worry I beget.

  Quick now, and let this merry play begin—

  Unveil the Empire’s full prehistory!

  E’en groundlings, waiting weeks to be let in,

  Look forward to the wonders they shall see.

  Starts now what you have long’d for, sans delay:

  Attend—a phantom menace comes anon!

  Ye shall be pull’d into our clever play,

  Ears, hearken to this story that doth dawn.

  [Exit.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN, OBI-WAN KENOBI, PILOT, and CAPTAIN.

  QUI-GON

  I say, good captain.

  CAPTAIN

  —Aye, sir, what’s your will?

  QUI-GON

  Pray, make communication unto this

  Trade Federation battleship, e’en here.

  Tell them that we would board their ship anon.

  [The captain addresses Nute Gunray via comlink.

  CAPTAIN

  With great respect and humble mien, good sir,

  With awe for the Trade Federation’s might,

  The brave ambassadors would swiftly board

  Your ship, with your permission and consent.

  QUI-GON

  [aside:] Methinks this captain’s words are oversweet.

  NUTE

  [through comlink:] Indeed—we nothing herein have to hide,

  And as you know full well, our blockade is

  Within the bounds of the Republic’s law.

  Your kind ambassadors shall be receiv’d

  As we would welcome all Republic guests.

  [Exit Nute Gunray from comlink.

  QUI-GON

  Thus shall we fly unto their battleship

  And land within the core of its vast frame.

  These Federation ships are massive, aye,

  And run to excess for a mere blockade.

  Yet, when taxation is the greater theme,

  The melody oft leans toward life or death.

  It is an ancient song that all know well—

  The notes of levies ring with morbid knoll.

  Indeed, it may most verily be said

  That only death and taxes certain are.

  [The Republic ship lands inside the battleship. Many droids surround the ship.

  Enter DROID TC-14 to speak with QUI-GON JINN and OBI-WAN KENOBI. PILOT and CAPTAIN remain in the Republic ship.

  TC-14

  My name is TC-14, at your aid.

  I prithee, come with me, good gentlemen.

  Your visit doth bring honor unto us,

  Ambassador
s of high and noble blood.

  Be now at ease, and wait upon my lord,

  For he shall hither come to speak with you.

  [Exit TC-14.

  OBI-WAN

  I have a feeling bad about this, Master.

  QUI-GON

  Yet sense I nothing. Wherefore art thou tense?

  OBI-WAN

  ’Tis not about the mission—something else.

  Elusive ’tis, aye, difficult to name.

  QUI-GON

  O, center not on thy anxiety,

  Young Obi-Wan. Thy concentration here

  Maintain—within this very moment now—

  For such is where thy focus doth belong.

  OBI-WAN

  But Master Yoda hath instructed me

  To be e’er mindful of the future, for

  Its advent may have meaning in my life.

  QUI-GON

  ’Tis true, yet future possibility

  Must not be kept within the forefront of

  Thy mind at the expense of what is here:

  The present moment. Be e’er mindful of

  The living Force, my worthy Padawan.

  OBI-WAN

  Aye, Master. Then, unto the present time:

  How do you think the Viceroy shall respond

  Unto the noble Chancellor’s demands?

  QUI-GON

  Methinks there can be little doubt in this:

  These Federation dogs are cowardly

  And shall be quick to heel at our command.

  Negotiation shall be swift, indeed.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY, DAULTAY DOFINE, and TC-14 above on balcony.

  NUTE

  What didst thou say, thou terror-speaking droid?

  TC-14

  Just what my sockets hath observ’d, my lord:

  These two ambassadors are Jedi Knights.

  DAULTAY

  This I did prophesy in my mind’s eye:

  The two have come to force a settlement.

  NUTE

  Go thou and make some keen distraction there;

  I must make contact with Lord Sidious.

  DAULTAY

  Hast thou lost all thy pow’r of intellect,

  Thou jarring fool-born simple-minded rogue?

  I shall not go where Jedi’s steps do tread.

  Instead, send one insensible to fear:

  This droid shall serve our purpose. [To TC-14:] Go,

  anon!

  [Exit TC-14 from balcony.

  OBI-WAN

  Is it their nature, so to make us wait?

  QUI-GON

  Nay, truly I do sense a fear too grand

  For such a wee affair as trade disputes.

  Enter TC-14, with serving tray.

  TC-14

  [aside:] I serve the drinks these Jedi to appease

  And in so doing serve my masters’ will.

  We droids are here to serve: ’tis protocol,

  Yet here my service lacketh etiquette,

  For it doth serve these Jedi to deceive.

  [TC-14 serves drinks to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

  Enter DARTH SIDIOUS in beam on balcony, speaking with NUTE GUNRAY and DAULTAY DOFINE.

  SIDIOUS

  What is’t?

  DAULTAY

  —The scheme that you have schem’d hath fail’d,

  Lord Sidious. Our ruse—e’en this blockade—

  Is finish’d, for would we dare fight against

  The Jedi? Nay! It would be foolishness.

  SIDIOUS

  [to Nute Gunray:] Hear me now, Viceroy: I’ll not have this filth,

  This stunted slime of rank and worthless nerve,

  This craven, simple-minded lump of flesh

  Within my presence e’er again. Put not

  Such weak examples of resolve and will

  Before a mighty Sith.

  [Exit Daultay Dofine.

  This recent twist

  Of Fate’s blind spinning wheel hath luckless been.

  We must, therefore, accelerate our plans:

  Begin to send the troops unto Naboo.

  NUTE

  My lord, your words astound! For shall the law

  Be with us in this action we shall take?

  SIDIOUS

  I tell thee, I am arbiter and law:

  It shall be legal if I make it so.

  NUTE

  What shall be done with these two Jedi, then?

  SIDIOUS

  ’Twas ill-conceivèd of the chancellor

  To bring the Jedi into this affair.

  Hear my command and follow: kill them both!

  NUTE

  Indeed, my lord: as you wish, it shall be.

  [Exit Darth Sidious from beam.

  Exit Nute Gunray.

  Enter PILOT and CAPTAIN, aside in Republic ship.

  PILOT

  Alas, good captain, look upon the guns—

  They turn in our direction. We are slain!

  CAPTAIN

  Raise shields, my man, to grant us some defense.

  PILOT

  Too late, too late!

  [The Trade Federation guns fire on the Republic ship, killing Pilot and Captain. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan brandish their lightsabers.

  QUI-GON

  —What villainy is this?

  My senses tell of some abrupt attack.

  OBI-WAN

  I sense it, too, my master. I believe

  Our comrades have been kill’d whilst they did wait.

  [Gas begins to seep into the room.

  QUI-GON

  And what is more, now comes a vapor rank!

  Dioxin—poison’d gas. Pray, hold thy breath!

  [The Jedi hold their breath.

  Enter BATTLE DROIDS including OWO-1, standing at attention outside door. Enter NUTE GUNRAY in beam.

  NUTE

  [to battle droids:] For certain they are dead by now—since these

  Two Jedi are not politicians, they

  Are not with hot air fill’d, and thus have not

  The stores of breath essential to survive.

  Still: go, destroy what remnant may remain.

  [Exit Nute Gunray from beam. The door opens.

  TC-14 passes through the doorway and sees the battle droids.

  TC-14

  I beg your pardon, droids of mettle made.

  OWO-1

  Go forth, investigate, good corporal.

  DROID 1

  Forsooth, forsooth!

  [The Jedi come forth suddenly, fighting.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY, RUNE HAAKO, and TEY HOW aside on bridge.

  OWO-1

  —Fight for our masters true!

  NUTE

  What now—the monitors have been destroy’d?

  What circumstance unhappy doth befall?

  TEY

  Transmission hath been wholly lost, my liege!

  RUNE

  [to Nute:] Hast thou e’er had a clash with Jedi Knights?

  NUTE

  Nay, truly not till now. Thy warning doth

  Give me some pause. [To Tey:] Seal off the bridge entire!

  TEY

  Indeed!

  RUNE

  —Dost thou not see? ’Tis not enough.

  NUTE

  And call a host of droidekas anon!

  RUNE

  Yet thou art deaf, and in thy panic shalt

  Not listen to the truth: we’ll not survive.

  [The bridge doors are sealed as the Jedi continue to fight and advance.

  OBI-WAN

  The battle droids are worthless when fac’d by

  The power of the Force. All are o’erthrown!

  QUI-GON

  Indeed, now may my lightsaber be to

  This door the key, that we may entrance make.

  [Qui-Gon uses his lightsaber to bore through the bridge door.

  NUTE

  Behold, they come! Swift, close the blast doors. Aye,

  For certain that shall keep the two at bay

  Unti
l the fearsome droidekas appear.

  QUI-GON

  The lightsaber cuts not as’t did before—

  Belike another door hath seal’d the way.

  Well play’d, shrewd sirs, and yet not well enough:

  Observe the power of a burning sun,

  This mystic beam I wield here in my hand.

  [Qui-Gon pushes his lightsaber directly through the center of the door.

  NUTE

  They still make headway—how is’t possible?

  RUNE

  Where are the droidekas thou summon’d forth?

  Enter DROIDEKAS.

  OBI-WAN

  My master, look—destroyer droids approach!

  [Qui-Gon pulls his lightsaber from the door to face the droidekas, which begin shooting at the Jedi.

  They generate their own strong shields, too. Fie!

  QUI-GON

  We parry ev’ry blast; they’ll not break through.

  But neither are we close enough to strike

  And their strong shields do block what we reflect.

  ’Tis but an errant game that none can win.

  So let us fly and find another way.

  [Exeunt Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

  RUNE

  The droidekas have sent them fleeing, ha!

  TEY

  Sir, I report: the Jedi speedily

  Retreat unto the ventilation shaft.

  [Exeunt Nute Gunray, Rune Haako, and Tey How.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN and OBI-WAN KENOBI to the main hangar above, on balcony.

  QUI-GON

  Do you behold this here, young Obi-Wan?

  ’Tis battle droids—and hundreds, mayhap more.

  OBI-WAN

  Indeed, an army for invasion made.

  QUI-GON

  This is a strategy most strange for the