William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back Read online

  Copyright © 2014 by Lucasfilm Ltd. & TM. All rights reserved.

  Used under authorization.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2013913273

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-716-8

  Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-59474-715-1

  Hardcover Designed by Gregg kulick

  Text by Ian Doescher

  Illustrations by Nicolas Delort

  Hardcover Production Management by John J. McGurk

  Quirk Books

  215 Church Street

  Philadelphia, PA 19106

  quirkbooks.com

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  v3.1

  FOR MURRAY BIGGS:

  THE YODA TO MY LUKE

  FOR JOSH HICKS:

  SOUNDING BOARD AND JEDI KNIGHT

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Dramatis Personae

  Prologue

  Act I Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Act II Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Act III Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Scene 7

  Act VI Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act V Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Afterword

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  CHORUS

  LUKE SKYWALKER, a Jedi trainee

  GHOST OF OBI-WAN KENOBI, a Jedi Knight

  YODA, a Jedi Master

  PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA, of Alderaan

  HAN SOLO, a rebel captain

  CHEWBACCA, his Wookiee and first mate

  C-3PO, a droid

  R2-D2, his companion

  LANDO OF CALRISSIAN, a scoundrel

  LOBOT, his man-at-arms

  GENERAL RIEEKAN, of the Rebellion

  WEDGE ANTILLES, a rebel pilot

  DACK, DERLIN, HOBBIE, JANSON, and ZEV, soldiers of the Rebellion

  EMPEROR PALPATINE, ruler of the Empire

  DARTH VADER, a Sith Lord

  PIETT, OZZEL, VEERS, and NEEDA, gentlemen of the Empire

  BOBA FETT, a bounty hunter

  WAMPA ICE CREATURE, of Hoth

  EXOGORTH, of the asteroid field

  UGNAUGHTS, merry dwarves of Bespin

  REBEL PILOTS, LIEUTENANTS, CONTROLLERS, AIDES, DROIDS, BOUNTY HUNTERS, AT-ATS, IMPERIAL TROOPS, OFFICERS, GUARDS, and SOLDIERS

  PROLOGUE.

  Outer space.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  O, ’tis for the Rebellion a dark time.

  For though they have the Death Star all destroy’d,

  Imperi’l troops did from the ashes climb

  And push the rebels closer to the void.

  Across the galaxy pursu’d with speed,

  The rebels flee th’Imperi’l Starfleet vast.

  A group with Luke Skywalker in the lead

  Hath to the ice world known as Hoth flown fast.

  Meanwhile, the cruel Darth Vader is obsess’d

  With finding young Skywalker. Thus he hath

  Through ev’ry point of space begun his quest

  By sending robot probes to aid his wrath.

  In time so long ago begins our play,

  In war-torn galaxy far, far away.

  [Exit.

  SCENE 1.

  The ice world of Hoth.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER.

  LUKE

  If flurries be the food of quests, snow on.

  Belike upon this Hoth, this barren rock,

  My next adventure waits. ’Tis time shall tell.

  And yet, is it adventure that I seek?

  Shall danger, fear, and action fill my days?

  Shall all my life be spent in keen pursuit

  Of great adventure and her fickle fame?

  It seemeth I have had enough of life

  To fill a thousand normal human lives—

  A princess in a vision spake to me,

  My aunt and uncle by stormtroopers slain,

  A hasty flight from my home, Tatooine,

  A pilot and a Wookiee and a Knight,

  A rescue brave within our cruel foe’s grasp,

  My teacher kill’d, and then the final scene:

  The Death Star battle—many friends were lost,

  But in the end a greater war was won.

  Adventure hath both taken from my life,

  And given to me ev’rything I have.

  And thus I seek and shun its tempting ways.

  E’en now adventure knocks upon the door:

  A flaming orb hath struck the ground nearby.

  Is it a portent of some ill to come?

  [Into comlink:] ’Tis Echo-Three to

  Echo-Seven: Han,

  My true companion e’er, canst thou hear me?

  HAN

  [through comlink:] Aye, truly, chuck, thy voice

  rings loud and clear.

  What can I do for thee, my noble friend?

  LUKE

  My circle ’round the area hath been

  Completed now, but naught of life nor forms

  Of life my scan hath yet uncover’d.

  HAN

  [through comlink:] —Nay.

  There is not life enough upon this cube

  Of ice to fill an empty space cruiser.

  The sensors have I put in place, so shall

  I now return unto the base.

  LUKE

  —’Tis well,

  And I, forsooth, shall soon meet with thee there.

  But I have spied a met’orite that hath

  Its landing made near here. So shall I go

  And fix my eyes upon the scene. I’ll not

  Be long, I warrant; then, I shall return.

  Enter WAMPA, aside.

  WAMPA

  You viewers all, whose gentle hearts do fear

  The smallest womp rat creeping on the floor,

  May now perchance both quake and tremble here,

  When wampa rough in wildest rage doth roar.

  Pray know that I a wampa simple am,

  And take no pleasure in my angry mood.

  Though with great force this young one’s face I slam,

  I prithee know I strike but for my food.

  LUKE

  Alas, is this th’adventure I am due,

  To die upon a vicious monster’s whim?

  I am attackèd by this awful beast!

  O fate most wretched—shall I be his feast?

  [Exit, pursued by a wampa.

  SCENE 2.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter HAN SOLO.

  HAN

  A scoundrel may not rise above his place—

  This is a fact the galaxy doth teach.

  For e’en though I have join’d rebellion’s ranks

  These many weeks and months, and gain’d respect

  Within their noble band, my scoundrel past

  Doth make its harsh demands upon my life.

  The bounty hunters sen
t by Jabba make

  Pursuit to win the price upon my head.

  So must I go once more unto the depths

  Of my old life, find Jabba of the Hutt

  And pay his ransom, thus to free my soul.

  I would not leave my noble rebel friends,

  I would not leave the cause for which they fight,

  I would not leave the princess and her charm,

  I would not leave all these, and yet I must.

  A life’s not well lived under threat of death,

  Especially with men of cruel intent—

  Who for a price shall fill the Hutt’s demands—

  Upon the trail of my indebtedness.

  And so, my mate Chewbacca and I leave

  Upon the instant that the ship is set to go.

  Enter CHEWBACCA, working on the Millennium Falcon.

  I say, Chewbacca, ho! Aye, Chewie!

  CHEWBAC.

  —Auugh!

  HAN

  Lose not thy temper, gentle Wookiee, nay,

  But practice patience; I shall help thee soon.

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh, auugh, egh.

  [Exit Chewbacca. Han crosses to command center with Princess Leia and General Rieekan.

  RIEEKAN

  —Solo, wouldst thou speak with me?

  HAN

  Good general, the sensors are in place,

  And surely shalt thou know if aught comes near

  Our hidden station here.

  RIEEKAN

  —Well. Prithee say,

  Commander Skywalker, hath he yet made

  Report?

  HAN

  —Nay, truly. He hath gone to see

  A met’orite that hath made landfall near.

  RIEEKAN

  With all the met’orites a’falling in

  This system, I believe we shall have pains

  And trouble in detecting ’proaching ships.

  HAN

  [aside:] How shall I tell my news most difficult,

  And crush this man’s great hopes for what’s ahead?

  Fear not, O heart, but be direct and calm:

  ’Tis best approach’d straight on, like th’Kessel Run.

  [To Rieekan:] My general, I cannot stay. I must

  Make haste and get me hence, e’en now.

  LEIA

  [aside:] —Alack,

  How like a death knell sounds this news to me!

  RIEEKAN

  I tell thee truly when I say to thee:

  This news doth break this gen’ral’s gentle soul.

  I could not be more sorry, pilot brave.

  HAN

  A price still lies upon my head, and if

  I do not make amends with Jabba, I

  Shall not repay with money, nay, but life.

  RIEEKAN

  A price too dear, indeed! A death mark is

  No kind companion to a free man’s life.

  Thou art a warrior noble, Solo, and

  I hate to lose thee.

  HAN

  —And thou art a kind,

  Good general, sirrah, I hate to go.

  [Exit Rieekan. Han turns to Princess Leia.

  And so, Your Highness great, this is the end.

  LEIA

  ’Tis so.

  HAN

  —I prithee mourn me not, and show

  No sentiment. Farewell, thou princess cold.

  [Aside:] I go, and hope she’ll follow hard upon,

  For if she shall not follow, all is lost.

  [Han Solo begins to exit, pursued by Princess Leia.

  LEIA

  Han, halt!

  HAN

  —What is thy pleasure, Highness?

  LEIA

  I did believe that thou had chos’n to stay.

  HAN

  The bounty hunter we did meet on Ord

  Mantell hath chang’d my mind.

  LEIA

  —We need thee, Han.

  HAN

  What “we”? Why speakest thou of “we”?

  Dost thou in royal terms speak here of “we”?

  Hast thou a rodent in thy pocket, such

  That thou and he are “we”? What meanest thou?

  What need is there that thou dost share with all?

  Speak not of “we,” but “I.” O princess, what

  Dost thou most need? Not “we,” not “they,” but thou?

  LEIA

  I know not what thou speakest of.

  HAN

  —’Tis true.

  Most probably thou dost not know thyself.

  LEIA

  And what, pray tell, precisely should I know?

  Of what great myst’ry am I unaware?

  Hast thou the depths of Leia plumb’d and seen

  What lies within my soul, my very core?

  HAN

  Be not elusive, nay! Thou wouldst that I

  Should stay because of how thou feelest in

  Thy heart about me. Need hath turn’d to want.

  Pray, tell me not thy needs, but thy desires.

  LEIA

  Thou art a leader full of skill, ’tis true.

  HAN

  Thine answer leadeth thee astray. Let fly!

  I see it in thine aspect now, let fly!

  Tell me the answer true.

  LEIA

  —Thy vanity

  Hath puff’d up thine imagination.

  HAN

  —Aye?

  Then why dost thou yet follow me? Wert thou

  Afraid I would depart without a kiss?

  LEIA

  I would as eagerly kiss Wookiee lips.

  HAN

  That can arrangèd be. By heaven’s breath,

  A kiss would suit thee well!

  [Exit Han Solo.

  LEIA

  —O man of bile!

  Thou wouldst make e’en the coolest temper burn,

  For thou art made of heat and flame and fire.

  No wood may stand within a mile of thee

  But it shall roast as if ’twere on the sun.

  And now, thy scorching manner lights my fuse.

  Aye truly, I confess I am aflame:

  Thine eyes create combustion in my heart,

  Thy face doth cause my cheeks to flood with warmth,

  Thy fingers set me trembling at their touch,

  Thy hands may hold the secrets of my soul.

  Thou hast a pow’r o’er Leia’s very self,

  Yet wear my patience past what I can bear.

  For O, how thou dost needle, jest, and prick

  When thou dost think thy pride is at the stake.

  Be not so full of bile, my noble Han.

  I prithee, choose the tender side of wit.

  If thou couldst ever put thy pride away,

  Belike my prejudice would fall aside.

  Then could our two hearts sing a melody,

  Instead of clashing in disharmony.

  [Exit Princess Leia.

  SCENE 3.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter C-3PO and R2-D2, with HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA aside at the Millennium Falcon.

  C-3PO

  O R2, thou dost ever plague me so!

  E’en now have we been in dishonor sent

  Away from our good princess’ chamber. Fie!

  Such breach of etiquette and protocol,

  And all the fault doth on thy shoulders lie.

  R2-D2

  Beep, meep, beep, whistle, meep, beep, squeak, nee, meep!

  C-3PO

  Lay not thy blame upon my shoulders, droid—

  I did, at no point, ask thee to engage

  The thermal heater. ’Twas but a remark

  Upon the coldness of the princess’ room.

  R2-D2

  Beep, whistle, squeak.

  C-3PO

  —But freezing it should be!

  And now, how shall we dry off all her clothes?

  I truly know not how.

  R2-D2

&nb
sp; —Beep, meep, beep, hoo.

  C-3PO

  O, switch off!

  [C-3PO walks aside toward the Millennium Falcon.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] —Watch thy tongue, thou naughty droid,

  Or I shall bring my wit to bear on thee

  And thou shalt not escape my shocks and jabs.

  For though I speak aloud in beeps and squeaks,

  Within my mind a keener tongue prevails.

  And though thou like a brother art to me,

  I’ll happily correct your errant ways.

  If thou didst think the thermal heater was

  Too hot, then shalt thou surely not endure

  The fire that I shall kindle with my wit.

  [C-3PO makes his way to Han Solo.

  HAN

  [to Chewbacca:] Why hast thou taken this apart when

  I am striving to depart this wretched place?

  C-3PO

  Excuse me, Sir.

  HAN

  —Pray, mend the ship, and swift!

  C-3PO

  Please, Sir, a word with thee.

  HAN

  —What dost thou want?

  C-3PO

  ’Tis Princess Leia, Sir, she strives to reach

  Thee on th’communicator.

  HAN

  —Then ’twas wise

  That I did turn it off, for I have no

  Desire to speak with her.

  C-3PO

  —I see. But she

  Hath after Master Luke made inquiry,

  For surely he hath not return’d unto

  The base. She knows not where he is.

  HAN

  —In that

  Her mind and mine are one. I know not where

  He is.

  C-3PO

  —But no one knows his whereabouts.

  HAN

  What dost thou mean by “no one,” prating droid?

  Deck officer, deck officer!