William Shakespeare's Star Wars Trilogy Read online

  Forsooth, I feel the Force begin to flow—

  Within, nearby, inside, surrounding me.

  O Force most strong—the lightsaber’s at hand!

  Now am I free to flee the fierce beast’s clutch,

  But, lo, the creature comes to me anon!

  It will attack me in its fiery rage

  Unless I am the first to strike. Lay on!

  Enter WAMPA. Luke cuts off the wampa’s arm and exits quickly.

  WAMPA

  Alas, how I am by this man abus’d—

  Could I, for seeking food, not be excus’d?

  It seemeth that this wampa shall have strife.

  Thus, gentles all: have pity on my life.

  [Exit wampa.

  SCENE 4.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter C-3PO, R2-D2, PRINCESS LEIA, and CHEWBACCA.

  C-3PO

  O horrid interim of waiting, time

  That doth like snail unwillingly creep by.

  Full many hours have pass’d without a word

  Of Master Luke or Captain Solo. Now

  The day grows late, and whisper’d words of fear

  Throughout the base are heard for these men’s fate.

  It seems that all lose heart, and think the worst,

  For how can e’en our bold Han Solo stand

  The harsh and unrelenting chill of Hoth?

  But now, no more, C-3PO; thou art

  Not made to worry and to fret. Be brave!

  Come now, R2, there’s no more we can do.

  Behold, my joints are freezing.

  R2-D2

  —Whistle, hoo.

  C-3PO

  Say not such things! Of course we shall set eyes

  On Master Luke again. And he shall be

  In perfect health, thou impish little droid.

  Aye, he shall be in perfect health.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] —I fear

  This chill that doth e’en now my metal frame

  Assault. ’Tis cold unto the core. ’Tis cold,

  I fear, unto the death. Bear up, droid soul,

  And listen to C-3PO’s advice:

  Be thou a helpful strength amid distress.

  Enter LIEUTENANT and MAJOR DERLIN.

  LIEUT.

  Sir, all patrols are in, and still no sign

  From either Skywalker or Solo.

  DERLIN

  —Dread!

  C-3PO

  My Mistress Leia, R2 makes report

  He hath not any signals yet receiv’d.

  However, he admitteth that his range

  Is far too weak to give up ev’ry hope.

  DERLIN

  Your Highness, I do fear there’s nothing more

  That we may do tonight. The shield doors must

  Be closèd.

  LEIA

  —I consent, but with a heart

  That breaketh even now.

  DERLIN

  [to Lieutenant:] —Aye, close the doors.

  R2-D2

  Meep, beep, meep squeak.

  C-3PO

  —Now R2 doth report

  The odds of their survival in the cold

  Are seven hundred twenty-five to one.

  [The shield doors close.

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh, grrm, egh, auugh!

  C-3PO

  —Though R2’s wont to make

  Mistakes, from time to time. O dear, O dear.

  [Exeunt Princess Leia, Chewbacca, Lieutenant, and Major Derlin.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] Why did I speak? O curse my beeping tongue!

  “A helpful strength” I pledg’d that I would be,

  But now have made these matters worse, for I

  Have giv’n our princess reason to be scar’d.

  Yet I do worry for my master’s life,

  And though I would not cause undue distress

  I fear that he may never make return.

  [To C-3PO:] Beep, squeak.

  C-3PO

  —Nay, fear thou not, my silver friend.

  I’ll warrant he shall surely be all right,

  For Master Luke is clever, young, and spry

  E’en for a human being. So say I!

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 5.

  The ice world of Hoth.

  Enter C-3PO, R2-D2, PRINCESS LEIA, and CHEWBACCA.

  LUKE

  O what a torment have I just endur’d!

  For after my attack by creature cruel,

  I quickly made my exit from his lair

  And made my great escape amidst the snow.

  Far, far I ran to find a refuge safe,

  Yet too far from the rebels’ base I’ve gone.

  And now my strength has left—I fail again—

  My body falls, too weak to make its way.

  [He falls.

  Enter GHOST OF OBI-WAN KENOBI.

  But now, e’en now, what vision comes to me?

  OBI-WAN

  Luke!

  LUKE

  —Ben?

  OBI-WAN

  —Attend me, Luke. Thou shalt unto

  The system Dagobah go.

  LUKE

  —Dagobah?

  OBI-WAN

  There thou shalt learn the Force from Yoda, aye—

  The Jedi master who instructed me.

  [Exit Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

  LUKE

  Ben, leave me not! Alas, I fall again.

  [Luke collapses as Han enters and dismounts his tauntaun.

  HAN

  Amid the burning snow and winter’s bite,

  Have I this journey ta’en to find my friend.

  But lo, what is this sight that now I see?

  ’Tis Luke, collaps’d! O lad, be thou not dead!

  Give me some sign thou livest! Aye, Luke, live!

  The cold of Hoth shall yet be warmth to me

  If thou art still alive. Come now, good friend!

  [The tauntaun falls over, frozen to death.

  LUKE

  [muttering:] O Ben, O Dagobah!

  [Han takes Luke’s lightsaber and cuts open the tauntaun, pulling Luke close to its warmth.

  HAN

  —We’ve not much time.

  Stay with me, Luke. ’Tis true, this shall smell bad,

  But also shall it keep thee warm until

  The shelter hath erected been. O, vile!

  These tauntauns have an awful stench outside,

  But nothing did I know of wretchedness,

  Disgusting rot, and sick’ning filth till this

  New smell hath made attack upon my nose.

  [Han sits with Luke as night passes.

  The shelter now is fashion’d by my hands

  Both strong and deft. We shall await the morn

  With only tauntaun’s guts as company.

  O guardian of nighttime travelers,

  Be with me and my comrade Luke this eve,

  For we are merely pilgrims far from home

  Who wish to come again unto our mates.

  Now sev’ral anxious hours we’ve huddl’d here,

  And with the morning dawns the light of hope.

  My rebel friends shall surely make attempt

  To find where Luke and I have spent the night.

  Search well, my lads, the prize waits to be found!

  Enter ZEV aside, flying.

  ZEV

  The speeders all have been prepar’d, and now

  A proper search for Luke and Han begins.

  But what is this? Shall fortune be so kind?

  My sensors do report some life forms near,

  Mayhap the cherish’d find shall yet be mine.

  Pray listen, Echo Base, to my report:

  There’s something here my scanner hath just found.

  ’Tis yet unsure, but may a life form be.

  Commander Skywalker, dost thou hear me?

  ’Tis Rogue Two. O good captain Solo, dost

  Thou hear? ’Tis Rogu
e Two.

  HAN

  —Fine good morning, lads,

  ’Twas nice of you to fin’lly come around.

  ZEV

  Hear, Echo Base: I say, they have been found!

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 6.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER, reclining on bed.

  LUKE

  Through hazy dreams I have vague memories

  Of being taken to the rebel base

  And given the droid medic’s greatest care.

  Now here I am, and naught but scars remain,

  Thus is the creature’s foul at last made fair.

  Enter C-3PO, R2-D2, and PRINCESS LEIA.

  C-3PO

  Good Master Luke, my wires are fill’d with joy

  To see thee fully functional again.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] O that I too could speak aloud!

  [To Luke:] Meep, squeak!

  C-3PO

  R2 expresseth his relief as well!

  Enter HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA.

  HAN

  How goes it with thee, chuck? O verily,

  Thou dost look well to me. In faith, thou seem’st

  E’en strong enough, I’ll warr’nt, to pull the ears

  From off a gundark.

  LUKE

  —Truly, thanks to thee.

  HAN

  Now thou dost owe me two good turns, my friend.

  [To Leia:] Indeed, Your Worship, well have you conspir’d

  To keep me in thy presence longer.

  LEIA

  —Fie!

  ’Twas not my doing. Gen’ral Rieekan doth

  Believe that it is still too dangerous

  For any ship to leave the system, aye—

  E’en thy belov’d Millenn’um Falcon—till

  The shield of energy is active.

  HAN

  —Ha!

  A cloth of fiction thou dost weave, yet I

  Have found the fatal error in thy stitch:

  For I believe thou wouldst not let a man

  So beautiful as I depart from thee.

  LEIA

  The only stitch I know is in my side,

  From laughing at thy pride most heartily.

  Thou mayst attempt to needle at my heart,

  But I am sewn of stronger thread than this.

  To say I would not let thee go—pish, pish!

  I know not whence thy great delusions come,

  Thou laser brain.

  CHEWBAC.

  [laughing:] —Gihut, gihut, gihut!

  HAN

  Aye, laugh indeed, thou fuzzball large. But thou

  Hast not seen us alone i’ th’passage south,

  Where she did unto me unspool, in full,

  Her feelings true of fondest love for me.

  LEIA

  My feelings? O! Thou arrogant half-wit,

  Thou oversizèd child, thou friend of slime,

  Thou man of scruffy looks, thou who herd’st nerfs,

  Thou fool-born wimpled roughhewn waste of flesh!

  HAN

  What scruffy? Scruffy, how? Whose scruffiness?

  How am I all bescruff’d? [To Luke:] Belike my words

  Were accurate and hit upon the mark,

  Since now she hath her temper lost. True, Luke?

  LEIA

  Thus is it plain that till thou tam’st thy tongue,

  No tongue of woman shalt thou comprehend.

  [Leia kisses Luke at length, then exits.

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh, auugh, gihut!

  OFFICER

  [from speaker:]

  —All personnel report

  Unto the center of command at once.

  HAN

  [aside:] Well hath she play’d the trump.

  [To Luke:] Be thou at ease.

  [Exeunt Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO,

  and R2-D2.

  LUKE

  O kiss most rare, O lips from heaven sent!

  This is a moment I’ll not soon forget.

  Though I can sense her heart doth turn to Han,

  Still doth this kiss play tricks upon my soul.

  By this fair princess I have been bewitch’d—

  ’Twas ever so since I saw her distress

  In R2’s beam, a’pleading for our help.

  But though the lass doth move my heart to joy

  I ne’er would tempt her with a word too large,

  For shall a Jedi’s path lead t’ward romance?

  But this sweet kiss I’ll hold in mem’ry’s vault

  As a reminder of my noble cause:

  To serve rebellion and my princess kind.

  [Exit Luke.

  Enter HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, C-3PO, and R2-D2, crossing to GENERAL RIEEKAN, the CONTROLLER, and PRINCESS LEIA.

  RIEEKAN

  A visitor hath come, my princess. ’Tis

  Outside the base, in sector twelve, and doth

  Appear to be directed eastward.

  CONTROL.

  —’Tis

  A thing of metal, cold and harsh and sleek—

  It is not animal.

  LEIA

  —Well, then ’tis not

  The self-same creature that did harm our Luke.

  But what do ye men think that it may be?

  HAN

  Belike a speeder, one of ours?

  CONTROL.

  —Nay, wait.

  A signal dim doth reach unto mine ears.

  [A faint signal is heard.

  PROBE

  [through comlink:] Beh mena bem bem. Mena bem bem beh.

  C-3PO

  Good Sir, six million forms of language do

  I know, and I may tell thee true that this

  Strange signal is not by th’Alliance us’d.

  It may, perhaps, be an Imperi’l code.

  HAN

  ’Tis not a friendly sound, that much is sure.

  Now Chewie, come with me and we’ll to it.

  [Aside:] Snow creatures first, and now Imperi’l droids,

  What portents of great evil may these be?

  Though I am brave, forsooth these signs do make

  E’en my courageous heart begin to fear.

  I find myself afraid of what may come,

  That my whole soul shall freeze ere this is done.

  [To all:] Chewbacca and myself have ventur’d out

  To see the probe. Now Chewie gives a shout—

  It fires on him, and I respond in turn.

  Be gone, thou enemy of all that’s right.

  But wait, now what hath happen’d? I releas’d

  A blast most simple—aye, a single blast.

  Yet it appears that single blast was all

  It could withstand; the blast was lethal, friends.

  Now naught is left, for it hath been destroy’d.

  LEIA

  What was’t?

  HAN

  —A droid. My blast did not strike hard,

  Belike the thing did self-destruct.

  LEIA

  —’Tis clear!

  A probe droid from the Empire. This doth mean

  The start of our rebellion’s flight from Hoth,

  For now that we discoverèd have been

  We lack security.

  HAN

  —Agreed. Methinks

  The Empire knoweth we are here on Hoth.

  [Aside:] My sense of doom and dread is not without

  Its cause, for this event is grave indeed.

  RIEEKAN

  Good friends, dear rebels, comrades one and all,

  We have no choice but to flee hastily.

  Our swift evacuation shall commence,

  And till ’tis done, make ready our defense.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 7.

  Aboard the Empire’s Super Star Destroyer.

  Enter ADMIRAL OZZEL, GENERAL VEERS, and CAPTAIN PIETT.

  PIETT

  My admiral?

  OZZEL


  —Yes, Captain.

  PIETT

  —Here’s a thing

  That thou shouldst see, good Sir. We have receiv’d

  Report from a Hoth system probe, the best

  That we have found so far.

  OZZEL

  —Your best, belike,

  Shall bested be, for thousands of these probes

  We have a’wandering the galaxy

  And looking for the rebels. I want proof,

  Piett, not leads. Proof—only that—is best.

  PIETT

  But Sir, this best is better yet, for it

  Hath found some forms of life upon the ground.

  OZZEL

  How better yet? How best? It could be but

  An error or some useless reading. If

  We were to follow ev’ry lead, our best

  Would soon turn worst.

  PIETT

  —And yet I do maintain

  My best is better yet for this: ’tis said

  That Hoth is all devoid of human forms.

  It seems, good Sir, the rebels have been found.

  Why else would sign of life appear on Hoth?

  I’ll warrant, Sir, my forecast shall prevail.

  Enter DARTH VADER.

  VADER

  You have found something good?

  PIETT

  —My Lord, we have.

  A probe that late hath made descent on Hoth

  Hath made discovery of both life forms

  And the appearance of a power source.

  [Piett shows Vader the screen.

  VADER

  Thy judgment hath prov’d best, Piett: ’tis them.

  Forsooth, the rebels may be found therein.

  OZZEL

  My Lord, there are throughout the galaxy

  So many settlements we have not mapp’d.

  This could be smugglers, maybe even—