William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace Read online

  Trade Federation. By my troth, this strange

  And unexpected twist doth warrant care.

  We must inform the innocent Naboo

  And Chancellor Valorum, too. Hear this,

  My young apprentice: let us split our paths

  And use these ships as transport to Naboo

  Where, on the planet’s surface, we shall meet.

  OBI-WAN

  Aye, Master, I shall do as you command,

  And rendezvous with you upon Naboo.

  What’s more—your foresight wise they could not thwart:

  Negotiations were, indeed, quite short.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  On the planet Naboo and aboard the Trade Federation battleship.

  Enter QUEEN AMIDALA.

  AMIDALA

  A person young is thought to have no pow’r,

  E’en when she is a queen, as like myself.

  Those older do surround, e’er pressing in

  And questioning each word that I do speak.

  One thinks I shall a poor decision make,

  Another thinks himself more competent.

  The best of them do bow and show respect

  And treat me with the def’rence due my throne,

  Yet even their eyes speak of disbelief—

  Their courtesy becomes a stifling thing.

  A youth is no more frail than older folk,

  No less intelligent, no less sublime.

  Our steps are newer, yet we are no jewel

  To be protected and encas’d by them.

  We know of violence and life’s harsh ways,

  Our tears descend in grief as their tears do.

  We are not made of softer stuff than they,

  The moods we feel oft run irate and rough.

  We have no thoughts less noble than our elders’—

  In truth, compassion may we ably teach.

  Then why is’t thought that youth are so beneath

  Those older than we are, of any rank?

  ’Tis foolishness, yea, ’tis foul treachery!

  If e’er these older ones could look within

  And plumb the depths of youth, what wonders would

  Before their eyes appear: the courage, strength

  And valor it requires to be a youth:

  The daily struggle to survive amid

  The thousand constant doubts we do receive

  From ev’ry person, e’en those who are dear,

  The ever-present skirmishes with those

  Of our own age, who should support and praise

  Us, bound within the sacred bond of youth,

  But who, instead, do injure with harsh words.

  To be a youth within a world run by

  An older generation taketh strength—

  Yea, that beyond a hundred elders’ might.

  To be both youth and leader truly is

  To be a target ever in their sights.

  I would not trade my station for the world,

  Nor would I wish it on mine enemy.

  Although the path is fraught, this is our cause:

  We youth shall mold the future we desire.

  [Queen Amidala presses a comlink switch.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY, RUNE HAAKO, and TEY HOW, above on balcony in Trade Federation battleship.

  TEY

  Transmission from the planet of Naboo.

  RUNE

  It is Queen Amidala—aye, herself.

  NUTE

  At last, we shall begin to see results,

  For speaking to the head shall move the body.

  [To Amidala:] Again, you come before us, highness grand.

  AMIDALA

  I do. Yet thou shalt not be pleas’d when thou

  Hast heard what I intend to say to thee.

  Thine errant boycott of our planet’s through.

  NUTE

  Your words are naught but deep surprise to me,

  For of our failure I’ve heard no report.

  AMIDALA

  I am aware that the ambassadors

  Who were by Chancellor Valorum sent

  Have come to thee, and thou art order’d to

  Come to a settlement o’er this blockade.

  NUTE

  And yet, I know of no ambassadors.

  For certain, you have made a gross mistake.

  AMIDALA

  [aside:] Alas, have all our plans been thwarted then?

  [To Nute Gunray:] Beware, I warn thee, Viceroy, for ’tis true:

  The Federation hath made steps too bold.

  NUTE

  I know not what you mean, good lady queen:

  We would do nothing sans the Senate’s say.

  As doth befit your youth and woman’s fear

  Your Highness doth assume too much, indeed.

  AMIDALA

  O, we shall see how mine assumptions fare.

  [Exit Queen Amidala.

  RUNE

  In troth, the lady is correct. The Senate—

  NUTE

  ’Tis far too late! What’s done can’t be undone.

  RUNE

  Aye, so! But do you think she doth expect

  The swift attack that we are bound to make?

  NUTE

  Nay, I know not. Yet this, at least, is clear:

  We must disrupt communication to

  The planet, lest they learn of our intent.

  [Exeunt Nute Gunray, Rune Haako, and Tey How.

  Enter QUEEN AMIDALA with SIO BIBBLE, CAPTAIN PANAKA, COURT, and ATTENDANTS. Enter SENATOR PALPATINE in beam.

  PALPATINE

  What is’t you say? Negotiations have

  Not reach’d a starting point because the two

  Ambassadors did ne’er arrive? But nay,

  How could that tale be true? The chancellor

  Himself inform’d me that th’ambassadors

  Most surely did arrive. Negotiate—

  [Exit Palpatine from beam.

  AMIDALA

  I prithee, Senator, where hast thou gone?

  [To Captain Panaka:] What is the matter? What hath happen’d here?

  PANAKA

  [to attendant:] Check our transmission generator, lad.

  SIO

  If our communication hath been breach’d

  It means but one thing only: an attack.

  AMIDALA

  The Federation would not go so far,

  For such a move would mean their suicide.

  PANAKA

  I do agree: the Senate would revoke

  The Federation’s trade ability,

  Which would destroy their commerce all at once.

  AMIDALA

  Negotiation must be our fond hope.

  SIO

  Negotiation, Highness? We have lost

  Communication, and as yet we know

  Of no ambassadors who have brought suit

  Unto the Federation for our sake.

  AMIDALA

  [aside:] O how he sneers and mocks mine utterance

  As he would never do were I his age.

  PANAKA

  The situation is most grave, my queen.

  If an invasion comes, the meager, slight

  Security our volunteers provide

  Shall be no contest for the harden’d ranks

  The Federation surely shall employ.

  AMIDALA

  I hear thee, counselors, and may hear more,

  But will condone no move that leads to war.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 3.

  On the planet Naboo.

  Enter BATTLE DROIDS, including OOM-9.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY and RUNE HAAKO in beam.

  OOM-9

  How may I serve you, Viceroy? What’s your will?

  RUNE

  Pay heed now, Captain. We have search’d the ship

  And found no trace of Jedi Knights therein.

  ’Tis possible they hide aboard thy craft.

  OOM-9

  If they
are here, good sir, we shall detect

  Them and destroy them as we were enjoin’d.

  NUTE

  Pray, use thou caution—underestimate

  These Jedi at thy peril. Vigilance!

  [Exeunt Nute Gunray and Rune Haako from beam.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN, hidden.

  QUI-GON

  With hundreds of these battle droids I fly

  Unto the planet that doth wait below.

  Yea, unbeknownst to its kind citizens

  Attack doth cruelly come to break their peace.

  The craft hath landed. Run, e’er we are found!

  [Qui-Gon begins to run from the craft amid fleeing falumpasets, pursued by battle droids.

  Enter JAR JAR BINKS, hidden, seeing QUI-GON JINN.

  JAR JAR

  A man approacheth, cloth’d in Jedi garb.

  Belike this man brings aid unto Naboo

  Such as will help my people and my land.

  Mayhap this is the chance I have desir’d!

  For I have wander’d lo these many months

  A’thinking o’er this planet’s dreary fate:

  Two peoples separated by their fear

  And prejudice, which e’er doth make us shirk

  From giving help unto each other. Aye,

  It may be that the only hope for us

  To be united is to realize

  That our two fates are tightly knit as one.

  Perchance this Jedi, follow’d by these droids,

  Doth bring the words to break our deep mistrust.

  I shall make introduction, in my way—

  Portray the part that I have learn’d so well:

  It doth befit the human prejudice

  To think we Gungans simple, low, and rude.

  I shall approach him thusly, yet shall bend

  Him to the path that shall assist us all.

  Put on thy simple wits now, Jar Jar Binks:

  Thus play the role of clown to stoke his pride.

  [Jar Jar stands in Qui-Gon’s path. Qui-Gon runs into him and the two fall as the battle-droids transport passes by over them.

  [To Qui-Gon:] O moiee-moiee, I so luvee!

  QUI-GON

  Thou brainless knave! Almost thou kill’d us both.

  JAR JAR

  I speakee, speakee, look at mee-mee!

  QUI-GON

  That thou canst speak doth not yet make thee wise.

  Now, go ye hence. Away!

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] —Your kind did teach

  Me human language, and my profit on’t

  Is I know how to move your human heart.

  So shall I speak most like a Gungan plain

  And thus disarm you by a fool’s deceit.

  [To Qui-Gon:] Nay, nay, wise sir, O meesa stayee!

  O meesa callee Jar Jar Binks—see

  Now meesa is your servant humble.

  QUI-GON

  ’Tis quite unnecessary, simple beast.

  JAR JAR

  O nay, it izzee necessary.

  Commanded by da gods it izzee.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, pursued by two BATTLE DROIDS.

  QUI-GON JINN destroys the droids.

  Now twicee you a’save my lifee.

  OBI-WAN

  [to Qui-Gon:] What creature, friend, is this?

  QUI-GON

  —A local, aye,

  A piteous native with a simple mind.

  Now let us hence afore more droids arrive.

  JAR JAR

  Did ee say more an more? Exquize me …

  [Aside:] And now to cast the line that plants the hook.

  [To the Jedi:] The safes’ place is Gunga citee.

  ’Tis where I grew, a hidden citee.

  QUI-GON

  Mayhap this lackwit may have purpose yet.

  A city? Canst thou take us there, kind brute?

  JAR JAR

  Ahh nay, as I me thinkee … nay, nay.

  QUI-GON

  And wherefore not, amphibious buffoon?

  JAR JAR

  o ’tis embarrassee, me banish’d.

  If I return and see de bosses

  Den dey will work me woe. You gettee?

  [A sound is heard in the distance.

  QUI-GON

  Dost thou hear that grave sound? It is the noise

  Made by a thousand thousand woes to come.

  OBI-WAN

  If they discover us, we shall be crush’d

  And ground into a million fleshy bits.

  Oblivion shall be our final home.

  JAR JAR

  Ye makee good the pointee. Dis way!

  [The Jedi walk in the direction Jar Jar points.

  [Aside:] These men have prejudice deep in their hearts,

  For looking on me, they see savagery.

  A “native,” “local,” “piteous,” “buffoon”;

  With such dark slurs they slander my whole race.

  Yet, Gungans quickly shall destroyèd be

  If this attack doth touch our soggy home;

  Belike the Jedi are our only hope.

  Thus—though I was cast out for mine ideas

  And have for many moons gone wandering

  Above the waters of my home, where I

  Have studied human ways and learn’d their speech—

  I shall return to make amends and bring

  These Jedi to the people to whom I

  Am bound. So may I save my race entire.

  To thine own kind be true, so say I e’er.

  Give ev’ry man thine ear, but few thy voice—

  At least the voice that speaketh with wise words.

  Let them hear only speech of ruffian.

  My truer voice I’ll hide with outward squeaks

  Of “meesa,” “yousa,” and “exquize me, sir.”

  So shall the simple lead the high and wise,

  That all of us may dwell in harmony.

  QUI-GON

  I prithee, Jar Jar, how much farther on?

  JAR JAR

  We gowee underwater, kayee?

  But hearee mya warning, too, sir:

  De Gungans likee not outsiduhs.

  De welcome may not be so warmee.

  OBI-WAN

  Ha! Fear thou not. This has not been a day

  Made for the warmth of hospitality.

  [Jar Jar leads the Jedi to the water’s edge, where they plunge in and swim to Gunga City.

  Enter GUNGANS, including CAPTAIN TARPALS.

  JAR JAR

  Now meesa home, so good it feelee.

  [The Gungans begin to shrink back at the approach of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Jar Jar.

  TARPALS

  Hey yousa, stoppa there. What brings you here?

  JAR JAR

  Heyo-dalee, good Captain Tarpals.

  TARPALS

  Nay, Jar Jar, not again. Now yousa shall

  Go to de bosses. Yousa in it deep.

  [Captain Tarpals steps forward and prods Jar Jar with his power pole, zapping him.

  JAR JAR

  How wude indeedee. Aye, how wudee!

  TARPALS

  Now commee all with me, to see de boss.

  [Captain Tarpals and other Gungans escort Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Jar Jar into the chamber of the bosses.

  Enter BOSS NASS and other GUNGAN BOSSES.

  NASS

  I bid to yousa welcome, gentlemen.

  But yousa cannah be here. Dis array

  Of mackineeks above is yous weesong.

  Dey are your problemee, not oursa, nay.

  QUI-GON

  An army all compris’d of droids shall soon

  Make their attack upon the kind Naboo.

  We must give them a warning, with your aid.

  NASS

  But meesa do not likee the Naboo.

  Dey think dey are so wise and full of wit.

  OBI-WAN

  The moment that the battle droids have done

  With the Naboo, they shall descend intor />
  These murky depths and seize control of you.

  NASS

  But meesa nowa thinkee so. De droids

  Not know of ussen ere.

  OBI-WAN

  —Have you no eyes?

  Is enmity so strong it makes you blind?

  You two—the Gungans and Naboo—do form

  A circle symbiont. The rock that’s thrown

  Into your lake makes waves upon their shores;

  The quake that shakes their land doth make your own

  Dear city move as though ’twere rock’d by giants.

  The same sun shines upon you both, the same

  Rain falls and bringeth water to each one,

  The plant that takes root in your miry depths

  Doth spread its leaves above, for them to see.

  Your fate is theirs and, aye, their fate is yours.

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] This Jedi speaketh with a wisdom keen.

  NASS

  But weesa do no care ’bout de Naboo.

  [Qui-Gon uses a Jedi mind trick on Boss Nass.

  QUI-GON

  In that case, prithee, speed us on our way.

  NASS

  Yea, meesa gonna speed you bote away.

  QUI-GON

  And we shall have the need for transport, too.

  NASS

  And weesa gonna give you una bongo.

  The speedies’ way to get to de Naboo

  Is going tru de planet core. Now, hence!

  QUI-GON

  With gratitude we give thee thanks, Boss Nass,

  And leave your worthy court with wish of peace.

  [Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan turn to leave.

  OBI-WAN

  Say, Master, what doth “una bongo” mean?

  QUI-GON

  Methinks it is a transport. So hope I!

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] ’Tis now or ne’er if I would join their cause.