William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace Read online

  But that you may resolve this vile attack

  Upon our sovereignty even now—

  E’en here, e’en on the very instant. Fie!

  No more of this delay shall I endure!

  My land did not elect me that I might

  Deliver it to suffering and death,

  Whilst ye in words both weak and impotent

  Discuss the dire invasion in committee!

  I tell you truly: if incapable

  This body is of acting for the right,

  Methinks new leadership is warranted.

  PALPATINE

  [aside:] The trap is set, and she hath sprung it quite.

  AMIDALA

  I move a somber vote: no confidence

  In Chancellor Valorum’s leadership.

  [The other senators begin chanting their approval.

  PALPATINE

  Well done, Your Majesty. They shall elect

  Another chancellor—a strong one, sure,

  Who shall not let our tragedy endure.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 3.

  On the planet Coruscant.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN and OBI-WAN KENOBI on balcony.

  OBI-WAN

  Methinks the boy shall never pass the test

  The Jedi Council will before him place.

  He is too old, e’en at his tender age.

  QUI-GON

  Nay, Anakin shall be a Jedi yet.

  I promise thee, in time it will be so.

  OBI-WAN

  Do not defy the council yet again.

  QUI-GON

  If I defy them, marry ’tis but what

  The situation calleth for. No more.

  OBI-WAN

  The council, Master, is within your reach:

  If you but follow’d faithfully the code,

  You would be on the council, I suspect.

  Aye, in this matter their thoughts are not yours,

  And they shall not approve of what you wish.

  QUI-GON

  Thou still hast much to learn, apprentice mine.

  [Exeunt.

  Enter, below, YODA, MACE WINDU, KI-ADI-MUNDI, MEMBERS OF THE JEDI COUNCIL, and ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

  YODA

  Anakin, young one,

  Let thy mind be free, and sense

  What thou dost see not.

  ANAKIN

  I sense a ship … a cup … a ship … a speeder.

  MACE

  [to Yoda:] The boy hath spoken right in this big game.

  YODA

  Well ’tis, my young one.

  Now, speakest thou verily:

  How, pray, dost thou feel?

  ANAKIN

  In troth, I have been cold since Tatooine.

  YODA

  Indeed thou mayest,

  For climes as thine much heat give.

  Yet afeard art thou?

  ANAKIN

  Nay, sir, I suffer neither fear nor dread.

  YODA

  See through thee we can.

  To be brave excellent is;

  Forthright is better.

  MACE

  Be mindful of th’emotions of the spirit.

  KI-ADI

  Thy thoughts upon thy mother sadly dwell.

  ANAKIN

  My soul doth hunger for her warm embrace.

  YODA

  Mmm, a dish of which

  Thou art scared to lose the taste:

  A mother’s regard.

  ANAKIN

  Of what import is that unto this test?

  Doth sadness o’er my mother mount to aught?

  YODA

  Aye, ev’rything ’tis.

  To the dark side of the Force,

  Fear’s the surest path.

  Fear leads to anger,

  Onward leads anger to hate,

  Hate to suffering.

  A bounty of fear

  Is present in thy spirit—

  Fear beyond measure.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN and OBI-WAN KENOBI.

  QUI-GON

  Wise masters, we have come to hear your will,

  To say what shall become of this brave youth.

  KI-ADI

  The force is strong with him; we all do see’t.

  QUI-GON

  He shall be trainèd, then? That is your word?

  MACE

  Nay, though the Force may be unbreakable

  Within the boy, he shall not trainèd be.

  QUI-GON

  Yet wherefore is this so? What reason is’t?

  MACE

  It is but basic: he hath grown too old.

  QUI-GON

  He is the chosen one. Had ye but one

  Eye working ’mongst you all, it would be seen.

  YODA

  Mmm, easy ’tis not,

  For cloudy this boy’s future

  Appeareth in sight.

  QUI-GON

  Then I shall train the lad, if you will not.

  As Padawan I claim young Anakin.

  The boy hereafter mine apprentice is.

  YODA

  Your apprentice is?

  Forgotten have you, e’en now,

  You’ve one already?

  ’Tis impossible,

  Aye ’tis never permitted,

  That one doth two train.

  MACE

  Rules of engagement do forbid such plans.

  QUI-GON

  Keen Obi-Wan is utterly prepar’d.

  OBI-WAN

  Forsooth, I stand a’ready, trials to face.

  YODA

  Our own counsel shall

  We heed on who is ready.

  Presume not to tell.

  QUI-GON

  The man is obstinate and still hath much

  To learn about the Force that liveth, yet

  More capable in skill and strength there’s none.

  Like mother bird who sees her fledgling fly,

  There’s little more I can teach Obi-Wan.

  I prithee, let him take to wing and soar;

  Allow room for a new egg in the nest.

  YODA

  Young Skywalker’s fate

  Shall not yet be unravel’d:

  ’Tis work for later.

  MACE

  The present is no time for chirping talk:

  The Senate shall soon in their chamber vote

  For their new Chancellor Supreme. This may

  Cause some unrest within Republic ranks,

  Put pressure new upon the Federation,

  Thus meeting evil with a broader threat.

  KI-ADI

  The queen’s attacker you encounter’d there

  On Tatooine may be drawn out by this.

  MACE

  It is for you to safeguard this good queen

  And find out the identity of this

  Dark foe beyond a reasonable doubt.

  We think this shall be circumstance enough

  To bring to light this myst’ry of the Sith.

  YODA

  O, hesitate not!

  Success we wish you—adieu,

  The Force be with you.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 4.

  On the planet Coruscant.

  Enter JAR JAR BINKS.

  JAR JAR

  The course of justice never did run smooth.

  Those who are weak by laws are weaker made,

  Those who have pow’r by laws are given more.

  ’Tis near impossible to e’er persuade

  The ones with power to surrender it.

  Indeed, they often claim they’ve power none,

  And cannot see their unjust privilege.

  When some gross fault of theirs is then expos’d,

  They throw their hands unto the sky and cry,

  “O, now ’tis us who sorely are oppress’d!”

  Thus do the dominating twist the tale

  And make themselves the subject of their pity,

  Whilst turning blind eye to those truly plagued

&nb
sp; By burthens those in pow’r can never know.

  ’Tis certain that the Senate’s powerless

  And we no justice in its court shall find.

  The queen by fear and worry is beset

  And cannot make inform’d decisions thus.

  We must away, returning to Naboo.

  Our hope lies not within the Senate’s care,

  For only double crossing there we’ll find.

  Our only hope doth lie in joining strengths:

  The Naboo and the Gungans fix’d as one,

  Leave Coruscant and take the battle home.

  The queen shall never listen to a fool,

  Yet she may be convinc’d by foolish words

  If they are spoken by coincidence.

  Then shall the notion flourish in her mind

  As though it were her own. But soft, she comes!

  Enter QUEEN AMIDALA.

  Are yousa thinkin’ people gon’ die?

  AMIDALA

  I do not know; unclear the future is.

  JAR JAR

  And Gungans gettin’ pasted too, eh?

  AMIDALA

  It is my fervent hope that shall not be.

  JAR JAR

  De Gungans no die sans a fightee.

  We allsa warriors—grand armee!

  Methinks that’s whysa you no like us.

  Enter CAPTAIN PANAKA and SENATOR PALPATINE.

  PANAKA

  Your Highness, I bring tidings of delight!

  Our noble Palpatine is nominee

  To soon succeed Valorum’s feeble rule

  As Chancellor Supreme. Is not this grand?

  PALPATINE

  Surprising ’tis, Your Highness. Welcome, too—

  If I elected am, I’ll put an end

  To all the Senate’s vile, corrupted ways.

  AMIDALA

  Who else a nomination did receive?

  PANAKA

  one Bail Antilles of old Alderaan,

  And Ainlee Teem of Malastare as well.

  PALPATINE

  I feel most confident full many votes

  Of sympathy our cause shall garner us.

  Forsooth, I shall be chancellor anon.

  AMIDALA

  Once you have o’er the bureaucrats control,

  I fear our people shall no longer be:

  Our way of life shall, by then, be destroy’d.

  PALPATINE

  I understand your worry, Majesty.

  The Federation, though, doth revel in

  Possession o’er our planet even now.

  AMIDALA

  Good Senator, this is your chosen sphere—

  Among the politicians you excel,

  Troth, I have ev’ry hope of your success

  And faith in your most shrewd abilities.

  My sphere doth call most urgently to me,

  Its voice doth cry with desperation loud,

  And so unto Naboo I must return:

  Where I am needed, thither I shall go.

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] The queen doth walk upon the fool-made path.

  PALPATINE

  Return, Your Majesty? I bid you, pause,

  Consider the reality you face.

  If you go back, you shall be forc’d to sign

  The wretched treaty most assuredly.

  AMIDALA

  Nay, hear me now: no treaty shall I sign.

  Whatever Fate hath woven for Naboo

  Shall be my final destiny as well.

  Good Captain?

  PAN AKA

  —Highness?

  AMIDALA

  —Go, prepare the ship.

  PALPATINE

  I prithee, Highness, stay here where ’tis safe.

  AMIDALA

  I have a good eye, Senator; I can

  Yet see a Jedi temple by daylight.

  ’Tis plain to me that our Republic doth

  No longer function for the good of all.

  ’Tis plain that your proud Senate doth exist

  To serve itself, not its constituents.

  ’Tis plain that if I would for justice seek,

  I must look elsewhere than on Coruscant.

  If you would serve me here, bring reason once

  Again unto the Senate. Now, adieu.

  [Exeunt Queen Amidala, Jar Jar Binks, and Captain Panaka.

  PALPATINE

  A royal wish doth move my soul no wise,

  For I am made to answer no one’s wish

  Save for mine own. This sniv’ling, sullen girl

  Shall be but slight impediment unto

  The plan for the Republic I’ll devise.

  Devising shall become division when

  I sow the seeds of discord in this place,

  Which shall spread o’er the galaxy anon.

  O, Queen, your words do reek of schoolgirl’s moans,

  E’er braying for some smear she hath endur’d.

  Your actions are no wiser, as you seek

  Nobility in death upon Naboo.

  Yet, ’tis no matter: I shall write the end

  I carefully have plann’d despite—or e’en

  In spite of—her departure to her home.

  My plans shall by no regal deed be still’d,

  For I’ll perform whatever I have will’d.

  [Exit.

  SCENE 5.

  On the planet Coruscant.

  Enter JEDI 1 and JEDI 2.

  JEDI 1

  Well met, my friend! Say, art thou well?

  JEDI 2

  —Indeed,

  As merry as the day is long. And thou?

  JEDI 1

  A pleasant afternoon I just have spent

  A’poring o’er the Jedi archives here.

  JEDI 2

  What is within to perk thine interest?

  I do confess I find them rather dry.

  JEDI 1

  O, say not so! The archives are a key

  That opens up a world of scholarship.

  JEDI 2

  I never took thee for a bookish owl.

  What didst thou find today t’excite thy mind?

  JEDI 1

  A pattern hid within the history

  Of our vast galaxy leap’d fore my sight.

  JEDI 2

  A pattern, aye?

  JEDI 1

  —As clear as is the sun.

  It seemeth each millennium or two

  There is a backward movement in the Force—

  Indeed, in all of life—such that the things

  That now seem commonplace would, in some years,

  Seem wildly futuristic.

  JEDI 2

  —An example?

  JEDI 1

  We have technology appropriate

  Unto our era, and we Jedi have

  Th’ability to leap across large chasms.

  Imagine, then, if in some future time

  All life betook a giant backward step:

  Our ships would duller seem, we Jedi would

  Not soar and spring as we are wont to do.

  Canst thou imagine such a sharp decline?

  JEDI 2

  Such retrograde must be impossible.

  JEDI 1

  Nay, ’twas the pattern I so clearly saw!

  More fascinating is: it seemeth we

  Are due for just another swift step back

  Within mere decades hence.

  JEDI 2

  —But can this be?

  JEDI 1

  The hist’ry doth not lie. If I have done

  The calculations right, within a span

  Of thirty years, we’ll see a sharp turn back

  In our technology and Jedi skills—

  E’en fashion shall regression undergo.

  JEDI 2

  What wilt thou do with this discovery?

  JEDI 1

  I first did think to share with Yoda.

  JEDI 2

  —Aye,

  ’Tis sensible enough as he is wise


  And pure, and serveth on the council with

  A voice most fair and just. Keen choice, my friend.

  JEDI 1

  Yet in the end, ’twas not he I did choose.

  JEDI 2

  Then whom?

  JEDI 1

  —The senator, e’en Palpatine—

  A noble sort of fellow, good and kind.

  I shall inform him of the things to come.

  JEDI 2

  Art thou most sure thou shouldst not give this news

  To one among the Jedi, worthy friend?

  If it shall be the Jedi are less skill’d,

  Should not this news be shar’d among our own?

  JEDI 1

  Alas, we Jedi are becoming known

  For our mistrust of others! Troth, this news

  Shall show us ready for collaboration:

  The Jedi and the politicians join’d

  As one in mind, with peaceful harmony.

  JEDI 2

  Mayhap thou art correct. And even so,

  Perchance the pattern thou observ’st is false.

  JEDI 1

  would it were so. I would not like to see’t!

  JEDI 2

  I sooner dead would be. Now shall we keep

  Our habit and go dine at Dex’s place?

  JEDI 1

  A pattern I shall haply follow, friend.

  [Exeunt Jedi 1 and Jedi 2.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN and OBI-WAN KENOBI.

  OBI-WAN

  of disrespect I’ve none, sir, ’tis but truth.

  QUI-GON

  The truth, yet from thy certain point of view.

  OBI-WAN

  The boy is dangerous, they all sense it—