William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace Read online

  [Exeunt Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Padmé, Anakin, Sabé, Captain Panaka, Ric Olié, R2-D2, and Naboo soldiers. Gungans begin preparing for battle.

  Enter GUNGANS riding fambaas.

  TARPALS

  The shields we now be starting up. Make ready!

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] O, sight that bringeth tears unto mine eyes:

  The Gungans brave astride their fambaas raise

  A shield that shall protect us verily.

  This is the moment for which I have liv’d,

  To see my sore oppress’d and careworn folk

  Rise with one voice and hope with the Naboo.

  O shield, give us protection from this war,

  O shield, be our defense against the wrong,

  O shield, guard all our peaceful future days,

  O shield, let we beleaguer’d souls have rest.

  TARPALS

  Behold, there in the distance, foes they come!

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] The battle hath begun, and ’tis our time—

  This day shall live fore’er in song and rhyme!

  [Exeunt, marching toward battle.

  SCENE 1.

  On the planet Naboo.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN, OBI-WAN KENOBI, PADMÉ, ANAKIN SKYWALKER, R2-D2, CAPTAIN PANAKA, NABOO SOLDIERS, and PILOTS, including RIC OLIÉ, across from BATTLE DROIDS.

  QUI-GON

  Pray listen, Anakin: once we’re inside,

  Thou shouldst be hidden and await us there.

  ANAKIN

  Indeed, sir. Aye.

  QUI-GON

  —Await us there—move not!

  [The Naboo forces begin dueling with battle droids.

  Exeunt Naboo soldiers and battle droids.

  PADMÉ

  Anon, good friends, let us toward the throne,

  Where we shall take the viceroy by surprise.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY, RUNE HAAKO, and DARTH MAUL above, on balcony, observing the battle on a screen.

  NUTE

  Methought the battle would be far from here!

  How is’t that they the courtyard have achiev’d?

  This is too close. O, shall this mean our end?

  [Exeunt Nute Gunray, Rune Haako, and Darth Maul.

  Enter more BATTLE DROIDS, engaging in combat.

  OBI-WAN

  The battle is upon us now—press on!

  We speedily rush t’ward the hangar to

  Release the pilots to the skies above.

  Courageously these men and women fly

  To strike the ship that doth control these droids!

  QUI-GON

  Young Anakin, the time is now—flee, hide!

  And stay thou in one place till this fight’s o’er.

  ANAKIN

  I go, kind sir, and shall await you here.

  R2-D2

  Beep, meep, beep, whistle, squeak, beep, meep, nee, hoo!

  [Aside:] Abide with him I shall, and keep him safe.

  [Anakin and R2-D2 run aside to take cover.

  PADMÉ

  Ye pilots brave, make for your ships and fly!

  QUI-GON

  They go, amidst the constant blaster fire,

  They go to serve our hope with their own lives!

  Take wing, ye gentles all, and aid our cause!

  R2-D2

  Beep, whistle, hoo! [Aside:] This zealous ship hath pull’d

  Me whole within to ready for a launch.

  Alas, the pilot who would lead me falls!

  What shall I do?

  ANAKIN

  —The blaster shots fire fast

  And quick, just barely passing by my head.

  I shall be safer in the cockpit of

  This ship that here doth sit without an owner.

  [Anakin climbs aboard the ship into which R2-D2 has just been placed.

  OBI-WAN

  The droids are all defeated: for a time

  We have some rest. Yet it shall surely pass.

  PADMÉ

  The viceroy must within the throne room be.

  PANAKA

  One group, two groups—red group, blue group—make haste!

  Attend me now, come join our latest quest.

  ANAKIN

  Pray, wait for me, I come anon.

  QUI-GON

  —Nay, stay!

  Thou shalt be safe within that armor’d ship.

  ANAKIN

  But I would follow.

  QUI-GON

  —Hear my words: remain

  Within that cockpit till we do return.

  Enter DARTH MAUL.

  [To Padmé:] This fight is ours. Your Highness, fare you well.

  PADMÉ

  We’ll to the throne room by another route.

  [Exeunt Padmé, Captain Panaka, and other Naboo soldiers.

  QUI-GON

  I know not who you are or what you want,

  Yet I do have skills most particular,

  Acquir’d throughout a Jedi’s long career.

  These skills do make me nightmarish to such

  As you. Surrender now, and you shall live—

  If not, you shall be dead, and there’s an end.

  MAUL

  I’ll not be taken by you, man naïve;

  Your feeble skills are naught when match’d to mine.

  This is the moment I have longèd for:

  Two Jedi to assuage mine appetite.

  OBI-WAN

  We are no feast for you, O wretched knave.

  QUI-GON

  Lay on, you Sith, and by us be you damn’d!

  [Exeunt Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul, dueling.

  Enter DROIDEKAS, firing.

  ANAKIN

  We must do something speedily, R2!

  R2-D2

  Beep, meep!

  ANAKIN

  —I know not where the trigger is.

  I’ll try this button here—but wait, what’s this?

  This vessel doth begin to fly—’tis live!

  Ahh, here are the controls that operate

  The guns—feel ye the taste of laser fire!

  [Anakin shoots, destroying the droidekas.

  R2-D2

  Squeak, whistle, nee!

  ANAKIN

  —It flies of its own will.

  Hold steady, R2—fly we into space!

  [Anakin flies aside.

  Enter RIC OLIÉ and PILOTS aside, in space, with FEDERATION FIGHTERS opposing them.

  RIC

  Be cautious all, ’tis fighters straight ahead.

  BRAVO 2

  Forsooth, good Bravo Leader.

  BRAVO 3

  —Aye, indeed!

  R2-D2

  Beep, squeak, beep, whistle, meep!

  ANAKIN

  —Behold, R2,

  Our comrades there do fight the errant foe.

  The autopilot takes us there e’en now.

  Although by this machine I am drawn forth,

  It echoes my desire as well, as though

  ’Twere I who had programm’d this speedy ship.

  Away to heav’n, respective lenity,

  And fire-ey’d fury be my conduct now.

  Let us away, and thither join the fray!

  RIC

  The shield deflector’s much too strong for us!

  ANAKIN

  This fighting is intense beyond all reason.

  I prithee, R2, do thine expert work

  And from this autopilot give release

  Before we both are cruelly kill’d herein!

  R2-D2

  Beep, whistle!

  ANAKIN

  —Clever droid, R2—hast done!

  Let us unto the portside deviate.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] This boy, methinks, hath still a manner wild—

  Mayhap he thinks this is a podrace field.

  [To Anakin:] Meep, squeak?

  ANAKIN

  —Return? Why no, it shall not be.

  The master Qui-Gon order’d me direct
<
br />   To stay within the cockpit of this ship.

  I shall fulfill his mandate to the word—

  The letter of the law is thus fulfill’d,

  E’en if, in doing so, the spirit’s snubb’d.

  R2-D2

  Meep, woo, beep, whistle, squeak, beep, whistle, nee!

  ANAKIN

  ’Tis plain we are in trouble. Pray, hold fast!

  This battle is my first, may be my last!

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  On the planet Naboo.

  Enter JAR JAR BINKS, CAPTAIN TARPALS, and other GUNGANS fighting BATTLE DROIDS, stage left.

  JAR JAR

  [aside:] Thus far the battle is not ours or theirs.

  Their tanks could not pull down our mighty shield,

  Yet now have they made breach with countless droids.

  I ne’er imagin’d such a massive force

  As that the Federation did release.

  ’Twas hundred, nay ’twas thousands of the droids,

  All lin’d up rank on rank to work us woe.

  ’Twas more than we could bear—thus we retreat.

  We flee, but still the fool hath crafty tricks.

  A battle droid lies broken on the ground,

  Yet blaster shall not come loose from its grasp.

  Thus, jump upon it now, and trigger fire,

  Destroying other droids that are nearby!

  This fool is not so foul against a foe.

  Clutch tightly, hands, around the catapult,

  Releasing all the power’d spheres within.

  Though they are meant to fly into the air,

  They do as well a’rolling on the ground

  And striking our grim enemies mid-spin.

  Now for the final act, the fool’s finale

  Make use of this small sphere, a boomer, aye,

  And strike this droid and his vast battle tank.

  The droid hath been defeated, but alack—

  We are surrounded by a thousand more.

  TARPALS

  No gibben up now, General Jar Jar,

  For meesa tink of something.

  DROID 1

  —Hands aloft!

  JAR JAR

  o, meesa do surrender quickee!

  [Jar Jar Binks, Captain Tarpals, and other Gungans freeze as they are surrounded by battle droids.

  Enter PADMÉ, CAPTAIN PANAKA, and NABOO SOLDIERS, stage center, fighting with BATTLE DROIDS.

  PADMÉ

  Good Captain, we’ve but little time for this—

  The droids do not concern us. Only shall

  The viceroy’s capture and defeat give us

  The victory we sorely need today.

  PANAKA

  Let us, then, by another path make way.

  [Captain Panaka shoots the windows.

  Your Highness, go! As ’twere a wingèd bird,

  Our group shall to the throne room make ascent,

  Brave soldiers, let fly your ascension guns!

  [Padmé, Captain Panaka, and Naboo soldiers rise to the balcony with pulleys.

  PADMÉ

  Make entrance to the throne room, where we shall

  Our enemies with arm of valor meet.

  PANAKA

  We go with you, my queen—would die with you!

  Enter DROIDEKAS AND BATTLE DROIDS on balcony, threatening.

  PADMÉ

  Your wish may be, O captain valiant.

  They now have won, if temporarily.

  [Padmé, Captain Panaka, and Naboo soldiers are escorted to the throne room.

  Enter NUTE GUNRAY and RUNE HAAKO.

  NUTE

  Your tiny insurrection makes its end

  E’en now, Your Highness of conspiracy.

  You shall anon put writing hands to use

  And sign the treaty ere the hour is o’er.

  In doing so, you give us victory

  And cease the Senate’s meaningless debate.

  Enter SABÉ dressed as Queen Amidala and other NABOO SOLDIERS.

  SABÉ

  Cruel Viceroy, hear the rightful queen’s decree:

  Your occupation shall conclude at once!

  NUTE

  Pursue her, droids! [Indicating Padmé:] This one’s a decoy rank!

  O clever ruse—but shall not be for long!

  [Exeunt Sabé and Naboo soldiers, pursued by droidekas and battle droids.

  PADMÉ

  Act swiftly, Captain—we shall win the day!

  PANAKA

  I prithee, men, block all the exits out.

  [The soldiers shut the doors.

  PADMÉ

  Perhaps you did believe that as I am

  A ruler young, I’d not bring you defeat.

  Yet in the present moment you’ll discern

  The meaning of my generation’s strength.

  Not made for weakness or timidity,

  My rule is one of wisdom past my years.

  The youth whom you did think to overthrow

  Is now the queen who ends your treachery.

  Thus shall we here a treaty new devise,

  Wherein you part forever from Naboo.

  [Exeunt Padmé, Captain Panaka, Nute Gunray, Rune Haako, and soldiers.

  Enter ANAKIN SKYWALKER and R2-D2, stage right.

  R2-D2

  Woo, nee!

  ANAKIN

  —We have been hit, R2, we fall!

  [Anakin flies inside the Federation’s droid control ship.

  Confus’d within this ship, but not yet slain.

  I fain would stop, but cannot seem to do’t!

  At last, collaps’d inside an unkind ship,

  Full many battle droids approach me now.

  Still, all’s not lost, R2 restoreth pow’r.

  Pray, put the strong shields up for our defense,

  Then perish, droids, with sweet torpedo’s kiss!

  [Anakin fires at the droids, then fires into the hallway leading to the reactor.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] The boy, by chance, hath hit th’reactor main!

  [To Anakin:] Beep, squeak, meep, whistle, whistle, beep, meep, hoo!

  ANAKIN

  I see it, R2—let us fly with haste!

  Enter DAULTAY DOFINE and TEY HOW, aside.

  TEY

  The ship is losing power, sir! The main

  Reactor fails.

  DAULTAY

  —Nay, ’tis impossible!

  Enter RIC OLIÉ and other PILOTS.

  BRAVO

  2 Behold that blast—it cometh from within!

  RIC

  ’Twas not our shot that did so smite the ship.

  BRAVO

  1 And still, I’ll warrant, we shall not complain.

  PILOTS

  Hurrah!

  ANAKIN

  —We fly beyond its walls, R2—

  This truly is what podracing should be!

  BRAVO

  1 Look, sir, ’tis one of ours from the main hold.

  [The Federation ship explodes, killing Daultay Dofine, Tey How, and droids.

  RIC

  The victory is ours, let us make cheer!

  [Exeunt Anakin Skywalker, R2-D2, Ric Olié, and pilots. Amid the Gungans stage left, the droids fail.

  JAR JAR

  What ho? Was’n they doin’ failin’?

  TARPALS

  The droid control ship hath just been destroy’d!

  JAR JAR

  Ha! They all broke-ed. We be savee!

  [Aside:] And if they triumph thither, on Naboo,

  Two peoples shall be join’d in union true.

  [Exeunt Jar Jar Binks, Captain Tarpals, and Gungans in merriment.

  SCENE 3.

  On the planet Naboo.

  Enter QUI-GON JINN, OBI-WAN KENOBI, and DARTH MAUL, dueling.

  QUI-GON

  He parries with such speed as doth amaze—

  I ne’er have seen a Jedi move this quick.

  ’Tis like the crash of thunder when it sou
nds,

  Or like the wind that rushes through the hills.

  When once I think I’ve caught him, he doth fly

  With stamina most awesome to behold.

  I almost would his sprightly moves admire

  Were they not us’d to strike upon my life.

  OBI-WAN

  A double lightsaber he wields with ease,

  Each end a deadly kiss of viper’s tongue.

  How like a snake he slithers from our grasp

  And snaps at us with kicks and jabs severe.

  He knocketh Master Qui-Gon down, whilst I

  In vain do seek to gain the upper hand.

  Then I am knock’d as well, as Qui-Gon fights.

  With such proficiency this Sith doth use

  The Force to duck and dodge and move things, too.

  Shall this be th’end, or shall we yet prevail?

  MAUL

  Ha, by these two I’ll not defeated be.

  This old man here and his apprentice weak

  Are no match for the infamous Darth Maul!

  Were it but one against me here ’twould be

  Already done—the Jedi would be slain

  And I stand tall, triumphant. Yet the two

  Present a challenge—hap’ly I do greet it!

  Come, fools, deliver unto me your lives!

  QUI-GON

  The power generator cavity

  Unknowingly we three have stumbl’d ’pon.

  He thumps on Obi-Wan, who falls below

  Onto another platform. Feel my blow!

  MAUL

  I fall, yet do not fear the landing, nay—

  For falling is but prelude to a climb.