William Shakespeare's the Jedi Doth Return (9781594747144) Read online

  And, at the last, forsake e’en those they love

  When tortur’d by the mighty hand of pow’r.

  Let those who lurch and stumble t’ward the light

  Discover, in the moments ere they die,

  The light they sought is but a blaster shot,

  Lightsaber beam or lightning of the Sith

  That shall their wretched life put to an end.

  And let the vile Rebellion choke upon

  Its own absurd and innocent ideals,

  Until each sick’ning, cursèd, backward soul

  Who e’er hath spoken in Rebellion’s name

  Lies broken in the streets, beneath my steps.

  Aye, let’s kill all the rebels. It shall be,

  For power is my slave and I its god.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and DARTH VADER on balcony.

  I bid thee welcome, young Skywalker. Long

  Have I awaited thee. Guards, leave us now.

  [Exeunt royal guards.

  I do look forward to the moment when

  Thy training shall completed be. In time

  Thou shalt bow low and call me Master.

  LUKE

  —There

  Thou art mistaken gravely, for I am

  Not thine to be converted as thou in

  The past did turn my father.

  EMPEROR

  —Nay, my young

  Apprentice. Thou shalt find ’tis thou who art

  Mistaken vis-à-vis so many things.

  [Darth Vader hands Luke’s lightsaber to the Emperor.

  VADER

  His lightsaber I give to thee.

  EMPEROR

  —Indeed.

  The weapon of a Jedi Knight, much like

  Thy father. Surely, boy, thou knowest well

  That never shall thy father turnèd be

  Away from dark toward the good; so shall

  It be for thee.

  LUKE

  —O, thou art wrong. Anon

  I shall be dead, and thou with me.

  EMPEROR

  —Ha, ha!

  Belike thou speakest of the imminent

  Attack that hath been plannèd by the fleet

  Of rebel ships?

  LUKE

  [ aside:] —Alas! How can he know?

  EMPEROR

  Aye, let me reassure thee we are safe

  Here from the foolish undertaking of

  Thy wretched friends.

  LUKE

  —Thine overconfidence

  Is thy great weakness.

  EMPEROR

  —And thy faith in thy

  Base friends is thine.

  VADER

  —’Tis pointless to resist,

  My son. Thou shalt be turn’d unto the dark,

  And then we three shall rule the galaxy.

  EMPEROR

  Dost thou not see? All that hath happen’d doth

  Proceed according to my grand design.

  Thy friends upon the sanctuary moon

  Now walk into a trap that I shall spring.

  Thy rebel fleet as well: the snare is set

  To catch the pests and crush them ’twixt my fingers.

  Hast thou yet understood? ’Twas I who did

  Allow thy bold Alliance to find out

  The site of the shield generator; it

  Is wholly safe from thy band pitiful.

  I let thy spies believe they had reveal’d

  A secret great about this station, yet

  ’Twas I who leak’d intelligence to them,

  So all the pieces would be perfectly

  Arrang’d to strike rebellion down at last.

  A legion of my finest troops awaits

  Their piteous attack. But O, fear not,

  For fully operational the shield

  Shall be when thy misguided friends arrive.

  With skill the players all are put in place,

  Much bloodshed and destruction shall they face.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 3.

  Space / Inside the second Death Star.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  Imagine you see space, ye viewers true,

  In which the final battle shall be fought.

  The rebels put their trust i’the Endor crew:

  Unless the shield is down, ’tis all for naught.

  Yet little do they know that plan hath fail’d,

  For Palpatine hath work’d his great deceit.

  On Endor is the rebel crew assail’d,

  Which doth create disaster for the fleet.

  [Exit chorus.

  Enter LANDO OF CALRISSIAN, NIEN NUNB, ADMIRAL ACKBAR, WEDGE ANTILLES, and other REBEL PILOTS.

  LANDO

  Great Admiral, we’re in position now.

  Each rebel fighter is accounted for,

  And all are now prepar’d for our attack.

  ACKBAR

  Proceed, then, with the countdown in a snap.

  NIEN

  [ to Lando:] Ungate-oh ah theyairee uhareh

  Mu-ah-hareh. Mu-ah-hareh mu-kay?

  LANDO

  Nay, worry not, my strangely membran’d friend.

  My friend, the valiant Han, shall play his part,

  And shall the shield disable in good time.

  NIEN

  Emutee bitchu me.

  LANDO

  [ aside:] —Or this shall be

  The shortest onslaught we will e’er attempt.

  ACKBAR

  All groups assume attack coordinates,

  And craft prepare to jump to hyperspace

  When I have giv’n the sign to make it hap’.

  [The ships jump to hyperspace.

  LANDO

  Now we approach the Death Star, Admiral.

  The moment hath arriv’d for us to strike

  And win the day in grand Rebellion’s name.

  All wings, I prithee, make report.

  WEDGE

  —’Tis I,

  Red Leader, standing by.

  GRAY LEAD.

  —Gray Leader doth

  Stand by.

  GREEN LEAD.

  —’Tis I, Green Leader standing by.

  WEDGE

  Now lock thine S-foils in attacking mode.

  ACKBAR

  And may the Force be with us in this scrap.

  WEDGE

  [ aside:] Like thee, dear friends, I have observer been

  Of all this great Rebellion for a time.

  Yet I have also been participant,

  And fortunate enough to keep my life

  E’en when full many others have expir’d.

  The first grave Death Star battle I did see,

  All ships but Luke’s and mine were cruelly wreck’d.

  I dwelt within the rebels’ base on Hoth,

  Where I fac’d AT-ATs in the snowy fight.

  The second Death Star shall I here confront,

  But know not whether I shall live or die.

  Still, my life is but little consequence,

  For though it ever in grave danger be,

  I know I play a mere supporting part

  Unto the greater cause of this Rebellion.

  I am an actor in a drama vast—

  A witness to the tragedy and hope,

  The pain, the joy, the sadness, and the fear

  That ever follow bold Rebellion’s name.

  Like thee, I wonder how the tale will end,

  And who shall live to see the glorious day

  When falls the curtain on the Empire’s might.

  Until that day I shall be on the scene,

  To play my part as pilot: faithful, true,

  Committed to the play that doth play out,

  Determin’d to help write our final act—

  To lift our noble cause e’en by a Wedge.

  NIEN

  [ to Lando:] Lamou-be-o-tee?

  LANDO

  —But what dost thou mean?

  We must be
able to detect the shield,

  Whether ’tis up or down.

  NIEN

  —Na mateeou.

  LANDO

  How could the Empire jam our scan, unless

  They knew that we were coming—O, alas!

  What awful understanding hath just now

  Broke in upon mine unsuspecting mind!

  I see now we are caught—break off th’attack!

  The shield is up.

  WEDGE

  —I get no reading, Sir.

  Canst thou be sure?

  LANDO

  —Pull up, good men, pull up!

  [The rebels begin to change course and retreat from the Death Star.

  ACKBAR

  Prepare to take evasive action! Heed

  My words, ye pilots all. Green Team, hear now:

  Stay close to sector MV-7 on

  The map.

  CONTROL.

  —Good admiral, approaching ships!

  It is the enemy.

  ACKBAR

  —O knavery

  Most vile, O trick of Empire’s basest wit.

  A snare, a ruse, a ploy: and we the fools.

  What great deception hath been plied today—

  O rebels, do you hear? Fie, ’tis a trap!

  Enter IMPERIAL PILOTS. They begin to duel with the rebels.

  LANDO

  The fighters come upon us!

  PILOT 1

  —Woe is me,

  There are too many! O, what shall we do?

  LANDO

  Accelerate to full attacking speed.

  Be sure thou draw their fire far from the cruisers.

  WEDGE

  I copy and obey, Gold Leader.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER, DARTH VADER, and EMPEROR PALPATINE above on balcony watching the battle as rebels and Imperial pilots exeunt.

  EMPEROR

  —Come,

  My boy, and see what doth befall thy friends.

  From here thou shalt bear witness to the end—

  The final, whole destruction of the weak

  Alliance, and Rebellion’s ruin, too.

  How stir thy feelings now, apprentice mine?

  LUKE

  [ aside:] What torment fills my soul! Shall I take up

  My lightsaber and so destroy this man?

  Be still, else by my thoughts I am betray’d.

  EMPEROR

  This lightsaber that resteth by my side—

  Thou dost desire it hotly, dost thou not?

  The hate doth swell within thee even now—

  It hath an aura palpable. Take up

  Thy Jedi weapon, use it. I—as thou

  Canst see—am quite unarm’d. So strike me down

  With all thy hatred, let thine anger stir.

  Each moment thou dost more become my slave.

  LUKE

  Nay, thou shalt not condemn me to the dark.

  My father’s tragic fate shall not be mine.

  EMPEROR

  ’Tis unavoidable. ’Tis destiny.

  No person ever dodg’d their final fate,

  Or kept the sands of time from flowing free.

  Thou shalt not ’scape the bounds of providence,

  Or trick the whims of fortune’s fickle wheel.

  So hear these words and well believe them, boy:

  Thou now art mine, just as thy father is.

  Together we are powerful, we three—

  When thou art turn’d, we’ll rule the galaxy.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 1.

  The forest moon of Endor.

  Enter HAN SOLO, PRINCESS LEIA, CHEWBACCA, and several REBELS guarded by IMPERIAL TROOPS, COMMANDERS, CONTROLLERS, and multiple AT-ST IMPERIAL wALKERS.

  TROOPER 1

  [ to Han:] Thou rebel dog, move quickly, lest thou die.

  Forsooth, ’twould give me pleasure to destroy

  Thee, and would bring a great reward, as well.

  HAN

  [ to Leia:] This mission, it would seem, hath fail’d, ’less there

  Is yet some unknown force to rescue us.

  LEIA

  We must have confidence—all is not lost.

  E’en in the darkest hour we may have hope—

  Experience hath taught me thus, for once

  I did lose thee, which was far worse than this.

  Enter C-3PO and R2-D2.

  C-3PO

  What, ho! I say, ye stormtroopers, were you

  A’searching for me and my mate?

  HAN

  —The droid,

  What is his game? I hope the silly fool

  Knows what he does.