William Shakespeare's Star Wars Trilogy Read online

  LUKE

  Alas, poor Zev. Too many lost—such good

  And worthy men have met their end to these

  Confounded walkers. Fie! This battle bleak

  May mean Rebellion’s end. ’Tis now my turn—

  My ship hath ta’en a hit. I fall, yet am

  Not slain. Indeed, though here I lie upon

  The ground, I spy an opportunity.

  For while this awful monster walks above,

  I spy his weakness as I lie below.

  He passes just beyond me—now to it!

  Revenge should have no bounds when friends are slain,

  And now their memory doth push me on.

  My lightsaber shall strike the lethal blow;

  I’ll hit where he shall feel it, in his heart—

  If ever such cruel beast did have a heart.

  [Luke strikes AT-AT 3 from below, and AT-AT 3 dies.

  AT-AT 3

  I perish, comrade true, but fall with pride!

  AT-AT 2

  Although my fellow AT-ATs meet their ends,

  I press toward my goal with purpose firm.

  The rebels’ power generator is

  Within the target of my lasers keen.

  Now all the fallen AT-ATs I salute

  As for my noble Emperor I shoot!

  [He shoots and destroys the power generator. Exeunt all, in confusion.

  SCENE 3.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter GENERAL RIEEKAN and PRINCESS LEIA, with an aide.

  RIEEKAN

  Our pow’r is insufficient to protect

  Two transports at one time.

  LEIA

  —’Tis risky, aye,

  But this base overpower’d is, and shall,

  I fear, withstand no more of this attack.

  We have no choice.

  RIEEKAN

  —Indeed, thou speakest true.

  [Into comlink:] Launch all patrols.

  LEIA

  [to aide:] —Evacuate the staff

  Who do remain within the base. Make haste!

  Enter HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA on balcony, repairing the Millennium Falcon.

  HAN

  These endless fixes now are nearly done,

  And soon we may take flight. ’Tis none too soon—

  This base shall not survive this great attack.

  CHEWBAC.

  Auugh!

  HAN

  —Nay, nay! This one here and that one there.

  ’Tis clear? [Aside:] I do admit this Wookiee here is dear,

  But if he break my ship I’ll break his pate!

  Enter C-3PO with R2-D2, aside.

  C-3PO

  My R2 small, pray be thou safe, good friend,

  And take especial care of Master Luke.

  Farewell, farewell! Parting is such sweet sorrow

  That I shall say farewell till thou hast left.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] “Till thou hast left”? No poet he, indeed.

  Alas, it seems that romance is not one

  Of 3PO’s six million forms of speech.

  [Exit R2-D2. C-3PO moves to Princess Leia and General Rieekan. Loud sounds of shaking are heard.

  HAN

  O zounds! What is this pow’rful shaking here?

  The base begins to crumble even now.

  Our humble shelter made of snow and ice

  Is now defeated by the Empire’s might

  And starts to fall apart. O, shall we too?

  Shall our rebellion suffer this same Fate—

  To be destroyèd by the Empire cruel?

  To be demolish’d by Imperi’l strength?

  Though I had plann’d to go and save myself

  From Jabba’s bounty hunters, I cannot:

  This smuggler-captain never shall desert

  Whilst friends nearby do mortal peril face.

  I shall not steal away and leave behind

  The princess who doth lead the rebels true.

  She is of great importance, and my life

  Must be but secondary to her fate.

  So shall I take her in the Falcon swift

  And spirit her away to someplace safe.

  ’Tis not because of how I feel about

  Her, nay; naught there of love, that much is true—

  Or if ’tis not, I’ll tell myself it is.

  Now to it, Han, ere our great cause is lost.

  [Han Solo moves to General Rieekan and Princess Leia.

  Your Worship, art thou well?

  LEIA

  —O, wherefore art

  Thou yet within this base? Hast thou not fled?

  HAN

  The center of command has been struck down.

  LEIA

  And yet hast thou thy clearance to depart.

  HAN

  Depart I shall, but first deliver thee

  Unto thy ship.

  C-3PO

  —Your Highness, we must take

  This final transport. ’Tis our only hope!

  [A blast is heard, closer.

  OFFICER

  [through comlink:] Imperi’l troops have come into the base!

  Imperi’l troops have come into the base!

  HAN

  Now end thy stubborn ways, and set aside

  Thy prejudice. Thou wilt come with me now,

  I do command it. Neither argument

  Nor moving speech nor aught that thou canst say

  Shall sway me now: thou wilt come with me, Princess.

  LEIA

  [aside:] O noble man, protector of my soul!

  [To aide:] Send our evacuation code and get

  Thee to thy transport.

  [Exeunt General Rieekan and aide. Han Solo and Princess Leia begin to walk toward the transport.

  C-3PO

  —Prithee, wait for me!

  [As they make their way to the ship, a wall falls in their path.

  HAN

  The battle is within the very walls,

  And ev’ry portent tells of dread and doom.

  [Into comlink:] Good transport, this is Solo. Take your leave—

  Our way has now become a wayward thing,

  All fill’d with mounds of ice that block our path.

  This moment calls for quick decision. Thus,

  I shall with Leia flee on Falcon’s wings.

  [Han Solo and Princess Leia run the other way, toward the Millennium Falcon, shutting the door against C-3PO.

  C-3PO

  But wait, where do you go? Pray, do come back!

  Most typical this is. O wretched fate,

  To be deserted by my friends most dear.

  These human beings care but little for

  Us droids who ever serve with loyalty.

  Thus shall I end my days within this base,

  A frozen remnant of the rebels’ stay

  On Hoth. Belike one day explorers shall

  Discover this defeated base, shall dig

  Into its core and find a golden droid

  Whose final resting place was ice and snow.

  “Who would abandon such a lovely droid?”

  No doubt this shall be their response when they

  Espy me here. “What wretched humans would

  Leave such a one as this alone to rot?”

  I shudder at this thought, let it not be!

  O open up your hearts unto my kind,

  Then open wide this door for kindness’ sake!

  [The door opens.

  HAN

  Anon, thou goldenrod, thou heap of scrap,

  Else shalt thou ever stay within this base

  And make thyself a lasting icy grave.

  C-3PO

  [aside:] This man is both the reason for my pain

  And for my joy. My gratitude o’erflows!

  [They enter the Millennium Falcon.

  HAN

  [to Chewbacca:] Now wherefore doth the ship not function right?

  LEIA

  Pray, would
it help if I did disembark

  And push with all a princess’ might upon’t?

  HAN

  Belike!

  C-3PO

  —Pray, Captain Solo, Captain Solo!

  HAN

  Tut!

  C-3PO

  —It shall wait.

  LEIA

  —This bucket full of bolts

  Shall ne’er beyond that blockade make escape.

  We may as well depart the base aboard

  A tauntaun’s furry back!

  HAN

  —The ship hath yet

  Surprising, keen maneuvers, sweetheart. Watch!

  The ship protects us with its lasers true

  Against th’Imperi’l troops who come at us.

  See, Princess, see? Now Chewie, let us fly,

  And hope we shall not burn the engine out.

  Repairs are made—let us repair to space!

  LEIA

  One day thou shalt be wrong, and well I hope

  I shall bear witness to thy failure great.

  HAN

  Anon, Chewbacca, lead us to our fate!

  [Exeunt in the Millennium Falcon.

  SCENE 4.

  The rebel base on Hoth.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and R2-D2.

  LUKE

  The recent battle is both lost and won:

  ’Tis lost because of rebels who expir’d,

  ’Tis lost because our base is compromis’d,

  ’Tis lost because our time on Hoth is done,

  ’Tis lost because we now evacuate.

  And yet, ’tis won because two walkers fell,

  ’Tis won because the foes arriv’d too late,

  ’Tis won because our transport is away,

  ’Tis won because we live to fight again.

  R2, we leave anon. With all due speed

  Prepare the ship for takeoff.

  R2-D2

  —Meep, beep, squeak!

  LUKE

  Fear not, R2, for now we fly!

  R2-D2

  —Beep, hoo.

  LUKE

  Now flies my weary soul to Dagobah,

  The place that hath in vision called to me.

  I know not what or who this Yoda is,

  Yet do I trust the ghost of my dear Ben.

  To be a Jedi is my calling now,

  To learn the ways of the most potent Force.

  Already have I had more mentors than

  Most people would e’er know in seven lives.

  But here I am, drawn t’ward another quest—

  To travel to an unknown system, aye,

  And meet an unknown person who, perhaps,

  Doth not expect my sudden visit there.

  Yet I believe the words that came from Ben

  Were better than a foolproof prophet’s tale.

  There is a tide in the affairs of Jedi,

  Which taken at the flood, leads to the Force.

  Omitted, all the voyage of their life

  Is bound in black holes and in miseries.

  On such a full sea I am now afloat.

  And I must take the current where it serves,

  Or lose my chance to find my destiny.

  R2-D2

  [aside:] O noble speech, with feeling brute and raw.

  My master’s honor shall I serve with pride.

  How best to show him I stand by his side?

  I’ll offer ways to help him navigate.

  [To Luke:] Beep, meep, meep, squeak, beep, whistle, whistle, beep?

  LUKE

  Nay, nothing’s wrong, I merely change our course.

  R2-D2

  Meep, beep, squeak, whistle, beep, meep, meep, beep, whee?

  LUKE

  We shall not rendezvous with our friends yet.

  Unto the system Dagobah we travel—

  And what we shall meet there, time shall unravel.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 5.

  Space, in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon.

  Enter HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, and PRINCESS LEIA.

  HAN

  Hoth is a memory, but trouble still

  Doth follow close behind. With threat’ning force

  The Empire’s ships aggressively pursue

  My well-belovèd ship. Shall we escape?

  CHEWBAC.

  Auugh!

  HAN

  —Truly, Chewie, I did see them too!

  LEIA

  I prithee, say—what hast thou seen, O Han?

  HAN

  Two Star Destroyers coming t’ward the ship.

  Enter C-3PO.

  C-3PO

  Sir, Sir, may I but say a thing to thee?

  HAN

  Pray, shut him up or shut him down, anon!

  Prepare our shield—they still may be outrun.

  [Aside:] With all my pilot’s wisdom, skill, and might

  I shall attempt to outwit these who chase.

  Now watch, you Empire vile, how I do fly!

  First up and down, aye, up and down, this Han

  Will lead them up and down. Away we go!

  Now back and forth, then back around again.

  They are confounded by my errant moves.

  Ha, ha! They are confus’d and fall behind.

  Thus we have slipp’d away, soon safe from harm.

  [To Chewbacca:] Make ready for the jump to hyperspace.

  C-3PO

  But Sir!

  LEIA

  —They do approach!

  HAN

  —Not yet: observe!

  [The Millennium Falcon makes a sound and fails.

  LEIA

  Observe? What’s to observe, pray tell me plain?

  HAN

  A fig! The ship seems to malfunction. Fie!

  ’Tis possible we may in trouble be.

  C-3PO

  I tried to warn thee, Sir, the hyperdrive

  Hath damag’d been, and cannot do its task!

  Lightspeed is verily unfeasible!

  HAN

  Correction: we in trouble truly are.

  O that all I had fix’d were truly fix’d!

  But now I must in haste—and under threat

  Of death—attempt to fix the ship once more.

  [He runs to repair the ship, yelling back to Chewbacca.

  Where are the horizontal boosters hid?

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh, auugh!

  HAN

  —Alluvi’l dampers, where are they?

  [Aside:] If only I were but more organiz’d!

  ’Tis true that order’s not a smuggler’s gift.

  [To Chewbacca:] Bring me the hydrospanners quickly now.

  [Aside:] I know not how we shall escape this time.

  Of all the situations I have seen,

  Of all the problems small or dangers great,

  Of all the rubs and scrapes have scratch’d my life,

  Of all the enemies just barely fled—

  This moment now doth seem the worst of all.

  [Loud sound. Han is knocked aside.

  Alack, now what is this? What shakes the ship?

  How have we gone from bad to still worse yet?

  LEIA

  Good Han, return at once!

  [Han runs back to the cockpit.

  ’Tis asteroids!

  HAN

  [aside:] O wicked thought and wonderful idea

  That cometh to me in this frightful time.

  I shall here chart a course none would expect:

  Not flee from danger, nay, but welcome it,

  And in so doing break the Empire’s grip

  While rescuing my princess from all harm.

  [To Chewbacca:] Set course two-seven-one.

  LEIA

  —What didst thou say?

  Thou wilt not enter in the ast’roid field?

  For certain thou art wild—but not insane!

  HAN

  Yet they would be the madder to give chase.

  LEIA

 
Thou must not do this to impress me, Han.

  [Aside:] Already he hath won my heart, ’tis true,

  Yet would I rather live to tell him so!

  C-3PO

  Good Sir, attend: the possibility

  Of navigating fields of ast’roids is

  Three thousand seven hundred twenty to

  But one—the odds are well against thee here!

  HAN

  The odds of rescuing a princess: low.

  The odds of smuggler turning rebel: lower.

  The odds of ending th’Death Star: lowest yet!

  I tell thee, droid: assail me not with odds!

  LEIA

  [aside:] Behold, what keen maneuvers doth he make,

  And how, like Gungans sinking in the swamp,

  Our enemies do fall behind us, slain.

  What bravery he showeth for my sake.

  HAN

  If you recall, Your Highness, you did hope

  You would bear witness to my failure great:

  It may be now.

  LEIA

  —My word I do rescind.

  We shall be pulveriz’d if we remain

  A’floating in this field of wayward rocks.

  Thou hast thy honor proven, Han, now please:

  Let us seek safety in another place.

  HAN

  I cannot argue with thine argument.

  I shall attempt to fly us closer in

  Toward a larger ast’roid.

  C-3PO

  —Closer?

  CHEWBAC.

  —Auugh!

  C-3PO

  O this is suicide, for where have we

  To go where we may yet survive? Are we

  Not bound for death?

  HAN

  —Aye, this one here shall do.

  It hath a goodly look.

  LEIA

  —What “goodly look”?

  HAN