William Shakespeare's the Jedi Doth Return (9781594747144) Read online

  Me strength to face my death well.

  HAN

  —Be thou still,

  And Chewie, hand the blaster unto me.

  LANDO

  A blaster in the hands of one who’s blind?

  Methinks I may do better in the pit.

  Good Han, think on the defects of thine eyes!

  HAN

  My sight is much improv’d: my aim is true!

  [Han Solo shoots the tentacle and lifts Lando onto the skiff.

  LUKE

  Good Lando is safe once again, and Han

  And Chewie steady are upon the skiff.

  Thus shall I find the droids and Leia, then

  Destroy this barge and Jabba’s courtiers all.

  R2-D2

  [ aside:] Now to the princess, to release her bonds!

  LEIA

  All thanks, R2, now let us flee from here—

  Find thou C-3PO, and we’ll away!

  R2-D2

  Beep, squeak!

  CRUMB

  —My master’s dead, but no fool I—

  I’ll fight these droids until my fate’s secure.

  [Salacious Crumb pokes at C-3PO’s eyes.

  C-3PO

  Mine eyes, alas—O R2, help!

  R2-D2

  —Meep, squeak!

  [ Aside:] Tear not my friend apart, you tallow face!

  [R2-D2 shocks Salacious Crumb, who jumps away.

  CRUMB

  The droid hath zapp’d me quite! O naughty imp!

  C-3PO

  O counterpart from Heaven sent, my thanks!

  But now, R2, say where dost thou lead me?

  Why do we swift approach the vessel’s edge?

  This is most curious and passing strange,

  For I could not jump to the sand, and ’tis

  From here a mighty drop indeed—

  [R2-D2 pushes C-3PO off the edge of the barge into the sand and falls in after him.

  R2-D2

  —Nee, hoo!

  LUKE

  I prithee, Leia, take the gun and point

  It yonder, at the deck! The barge shall fall!

  [Luke is shot in the hand by a guard.

  [ Aside:] Alas, my hand, but ’tis my hand of steel,

  It causes me some pain, but not as ’twould

  Were it my own real flesh. Strange notion, this.

  I have not time to think on it, but shall,

  Another time, consider this my hand.

  LEIA

  The gun is pointed at the deck: ’tis time.

  LUKE

  Then let it fly, and we’ll escape forsooth!

  ’Tis well a rope is here to swing us o’er

  Another chasm—what serendipity!

  [Luke and Princess Leia swing from the barge onto the skiff.

  LEIA

  [ aside:] Once have I swung with him across a chasm,

  Now swing we once more to the waiting skiff.

  We have a way of swinging through our fears!

  HAN

  We all are now on board the skiff—away!

  This brave event shall be remember’d, Luke,

  And since I have been thaw’d, my warmest and

  My most sincere appreciation do

  I give thee for my rescue well devis’d.

  LUKE

  My friend, ’tis none but what thou wouldst for me.

  Now, let us flee—the droids, do not forget.

  LANDO

  We fly indeed, by foes no more beset.

  [The barge explodes and all on board die. Exeunt Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, Lando, R2-D2, and C-3PO on skiff.

  SCENE 1.

  Inside the second Death Star.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  The army of the Empire gathers near

  Within the Death Star’s uncompleted shell.

  They all prepare to welcome one they fear:

  The Emperor hath come, thereon to dwell.

  [Exit chorus.

  Enter Emperor Palpatine and attending royal guards.

  EMPEROR

  My servant Vader have I come to meet,

  To hear him tell what progress hath been made

  Upon this newest Death Star. Confident

  I am that he shall make a good report,

  For he is ever trustworthy when ask’d

  To solve a problem for his Emperor.

  Forsooth, the man is all obedience

  When he is call’d to serve. It hath been so

  For years now, ever since he turn’d toward

  The dark side and became a Sith as I.

  But there is more than mere obedience:

  He looketh on me as a father, aye,

  For truly did I train him so to do.

  He doth respect and hang on ev’ry word

  I utter, even when ’tis to rebuke

  Or punish him for some apparent fault.

  The man is like a pet most pitiful,

  E’er braying for his master’s notice and

  Displaying great affection e’en when kick’d.

  In truth, his groveling doth make me sick.

  Aye, his devotion to me I do not

  Reciprocate, for he to me is but

  A tool—most useful and most sharp, ’tis true—

  But merely agent of my will, no more.

  Yet he a vital purpose serveth in

  My reign and plans, while little doth he know

  That he could be more powerful than I.

  A tool the man may be, but I cannot

  Dispense with his keen services as yet.

  But since I do consider him a threat,

  I keep his leash as short as possible,

  And I accept his childlike zeal for me

  At least till I an apt replacement find.

  Mayhap this young Skywalker—who is e’er

  On Vader’s otherwise clear mind—may prove

  To be his aging father’s substitute.

  Was it a judgment error to inform

  Darth Vader of the presence of his son?

  Methinks ’twas not, for his devotion to

  His Emperor and his submersion in

  The dark side shall be more persuasive than

  What feelings he may have for son unknown.

  And furthermore, to know Skywalker is

  His son shall heighten his resolve to turn

  The boy unto the dark, and make him mine.

  Thus would he see his Emperor and son

  Together join’d, which would bring him dark joy.

  ’Tis surely how the future shall unfold—

  All shall be well, for I have plann’d it so.

  And now he comes: my humble servant Darth.

  Enter DARTH VADER and MOFF JERJERROD with STORMTROOPERS.

  VADER

  I bid thee welcome and with humbl’d mien

  I bow to thee in utmost reverence:

  My master, teacher, savior, rescuer.

  EMPEROR

  Arise, my friend, and put thy soul at ease.

  I trust the time spent here shall bear good fruit?

  VADER

  Indeed, my master. All the workers have

  A newfound motivation for the task.

  The Death Star shall completed be within

  The time and schedule thou hast orderèd.

  EMPEROR

  Thou hast done well, Lord Vader. I am pleas’d.

  And now I sense another thought in thee?

  Thou wouldst anon resume thy search for the

  Young rebel Skywalker. Have I judg’d right?

  VADER

  My master: yes.

  EMPEROR

  —Be patient, my good friend.

  Thou shalt not seeker be; I’ll warrant that,

  In time, the lad himself shall seek thee out—

  I see with my mind’s eye it shall be so.

  And when he doth come to thee, thou shalt then

  Deliver him, in deference,
to me.

  The boy hath grown quite strong. Together we

  Will bring him to the dark side of the Force.

  VADER

  Thy wish is mine.

  EMPEROR

  —Thus have we set the scene:

  All doth proceed just as I have foreseen!

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  The Dagobah system.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and R2-D2, speaking with HAN SOLO and PRINCESS LEIA in comlink.

  LUKE

  Good friends, with you I shall meet once again,

  Where our strong fleet doth plan to rendezvous.

  LEIA

  [ through comlink:] Aye, do. Th’Alliance should be gather’d now.

  HAN

  [ through comlink:] And Luke, my deepest thanks are due to thee,

  For I did doubt that thou a Jedi wert.

  But thine example brave hath shown to me

  A power I ne’er would have believ’d was real,

  Except I was its benefici’ry.

  Thou didst not overlook thy friend in need,

  But came back for his rescue unafraid.

  Now truly, friend, ’tis I who owe thee one.

  [Exeunt Han Solo and Princess Leia.

  R2-D2

  Beep, squeak, meep, beep, squeak, whistle, whistle, meep?

  LUKE

  ’Tis right, R2, we go to Dagobah—

  A promise must I keep to my old friend.

  [ Aside:] This glove I place upon my injur’d hand,

  The hand that in the fight with Jabba was

  The sore recipient of blaster’s touch.

  O hand, replete with wires and gears that move,

  With glove of black I cover the machine

  That lies within the skinlike covering,

  Which once a medic droid hath grafted on.

  How strange this hand, which feeleth like my flesh

  Yet is such stuff as droids are made of. Cold

  And dead, yet living, this is a device

  That serves me well but represents a dark

  And dismal fate. Aye, with this hand I have

  Become yet one step closer to the man

  Whose path I fear, yet wish to understand:

  Darth Vader, who my father claims to be.

  Indeed, I do believe his claim is true,

  But shall ask Yoda to confirm his words.

  If he my father is, what shall it mean

  For the Rebellion and for my own soul?

  Shall my relations govern all my days,

  Or may I yet escape mine origins?

  Shall all the father’s sins be visited

  Upon the child, or shall I triumph yet?

  Be with me, all ye Jedi past and gone—

  I fly unto that place where first I learn’d

  From Yoda, who is small, yet greater e’en

  Than all my pow’rs or Master Obi-Wan.

  With joy, I fly from here to see his face,

  With hope, I fly to him to learn the truth,

  With fear, I fly to him to know my path,

  With expectation great, I fly to him.

  Enter YODA.

  Look now, he comes—alas, how ag’d he seems!

  YODA

  That face thou dost make:

  Look I so old to young eyes,

  My body so frail?

  LUKE

  Nay, nay, good master! Perish such a thought.

  YODA

  I do, aye, I do.

  Sick and weak have I become,

  Elderly and tir’d.

  And yet, I ask thee:

  When nine hundred years thou hast,

  Shalt thou look better?

  Soon shall I have rest,

  Forever sleep, as all do.

  Earnèd it I have.

  LUKE

  But what is this? Thou art an aging soul,

  Yet wherefore speakest thou of death’s embrace?

  Good Master Yoda, cease: thou mayst not die.

  YODA

  Verily, ’tis true,

  With the Force pow’rful am I,

  Yet not that pow’rful.

  Twilight is on me

  And thence comes night. ’Tis the way

  For all in the Force.

  LUKE

  Yet I have need of thy good help, for here

  I stand, return’d, prepar’d my training to

  Complete. What should I do without thine aid?

  YODA

  No further training

  Dost thou require, for thou hast