William Shakespeare's Star Wars Trilogy Read online

The hid location of the rebel base,

  I shall unleash this station’s pow’r upon

  Thine own home planet—even Alderaan.

  LEIA

  Nay, do not so to peaceful Alderaan!

  TARKIN

  Thou shalt a military target name,

  Then render swift the system’s name as well.

  Or else thy precious Alderaan goes to’t.

  I tire of asking o’er and o’er, so thus

  I promise: this shall be the final time—

  Where is thy rebel base?

  LEIA

  —On Dantooine.

  They may be found on planet Dantooine.

  TARKIN

  Ha, ha! Thou seest, Vader, how a cat

  May have her claws remov’d. Now, Admiral,

  Thou mayst continue with thy weapon’s test,

  And surely mayst thou fire when all’s prepar’d.

  LEIA

  What madness here?!

  TARKIN

  —Thou far too trusting art.

  The tiny Dantooine is too remote

  To show this station’s pow’r but pray, fear not,

  We shall in time thy rebel friends pursue.

  CHORUS

  To do the Governor’s most evil will,

  The people on the Death Star quickly rise.

  With mighty flash, the beam bursts bright and shrill

  And Alderaan is shatter’d ’fore their eyes.

  LEIA

  [sings:] When Alderaan hath blossom’d bright,

  Then sang we songs of nonny,

  But now her day is turn’d to night,

  Sing hey and lack-a-day.

  My friend and I stood by the river,

  Then sang we songs of nonny,

  But I could not her soul deliver,

  Sing hey and lack-a-day.

  My planet hath the bluest shore,

  Then sang we songs of nonny,

  That noble land is now no more,

  Sing hey and lack-a-day.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 6.

  Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, R2-D2, and CHEWBACCA.

  CHORUS

  The instant Alderaan is smash’d to bits,

  Luke tries his lightsaber—a keen trainee.

  The droids and Wookiee play a game of wits,

  But Obi-Wan doth sense catastrophe.

  OBI-WAN

  [aside:] Now breaks my heart as through the Force I sense

  The suffering of many worthy souls.

  I know not what this doth portend, and yet

  I fear the worst.

  LUKE

  —Good Sir, how farest thou?

  OBI-WAN

  Forsooth, a great disturbance in the Force

  Have I just felt. ’Twas like a million mouths

  Cried out in fear at once, and then were gone,

  All hush’d and quiet—silent to the last.

  I fear a stroke of evil hath occurr’d.

  But thou, good Luke, thy practice recommence.

  Enter HAN SOLO.

  HAN

  Thou mayest all thy troubles now forget,

  Th’Imperi’l knaves have been outrun at last.

  [Aside:] Well here’s a solemn gathering indeed,

  Quite lacking in the proper gratitude.

  [To Obi-Wan and Luke:] Nay, speak thou not thy thanks too heartily,

  Else shall thy praise go swiftly to my head.

  But here’s the point, we shall at Alderaan

  Arrive ere long.

  [R2-D2 makes a move against Chewbacca in the game they play.

  C-3PO

  —Pray, R2, caution show.

  R2-D2

  Beep, whistle, squeak, beep, meep, hoo whistle.

  CHEWBAC.

  —Auugh!

  C-3PO

  A fair move hath he made, thou furry lump.

  No use is there in screaming o’er the loss.

  [Aside:] However did I join this company?

  A Wookiee and his smuggler captain—O!

  CHEWBAC.

  Egh.

  HAN

  —Be thou wise, droid, mark well what thou dost.

  As it is said: black holes are worth thy fear,

  But fear thou more a Wookiee’s deadly wrath.

  C-3PO

  But Sir, no proverb warns the galaxy

  Of how a droid may hotly anger’d be.

  HAN

  Aye, marry, ’tis because no droid hath e’er

  Torn out of joint another being’s arms

  Upon a lesser insult e’en than this—

  But Wookiees, golden droid, are not so tame.

  C-3PO

  Thy meaning, Sir, doth prick my circuit board.

  ’Tis best to play the fool, and not the sage,

  To say it brief: pray let the Wookiee win.

  CHEWBAC.

  Auugh!

  R2-D2

  [aside:] —Brute! The fool I’ll play with thee, indeed.

  Yet I perceive thou and thy friend have heart.

  [Luke continues to practice with his lightsaber against the remote.

  OBI-WAN

  Remember, Luke, the Force doth smoothly flow

  Within the feelings of a Jedi Knight.

  LUKE

  But doth the Force control one’s ev’ry move?

  OBI-WAN

  ’Tis somewhat so, but also shall the Force

  Obey thine every command, young Luke.

  LUKE

  [aside:] This Force, by troth, I’ll never comprehend!

  It doth control and also doth obey?

  And ’tis within and yet it is beyond,

  ’Tis both inside and yet outside one’s self?

  What paradox! What fickle-natur’d pow’r!

  Aye: frailty, thy name—belike—is Force.

  [To Obi-Wan:] Alack! This small remote hath struck again!

  HAN

  Ha, ha! Thy errant systems of belief—

  Thy weapons ancient, all thy mysteries,

  Thy robes and meditations o’er the air,

  Thy superstitions, e’en thy precious Force—

  Cannot compare to my religion true:

  A trusty blaster ever by my side.

  With thus I say my prayers and guard my soul.

  LUKE

  Devoted foll’wer must thou be, with such

  A speech. Pray tell me, pilgrim reverent:

  Dost thou most truly disbelieve the Force?

  HAN

  A pilgrim, truly said! For I have gone

  From galaxy to galaxy and more,

  Yet never hath this faithful worshipper

  Found aught to recommend that strange belief—

  A single Force that binds the universe.

  True ’tis, no power mystical controls

  Han Solo’s yet unfinish’d destiny.

  And so I preach the one and only faith:

  My simple, merry tricks are all my gods,

  And nonsense is the only testament.

  I worship at the shrine of my own will.

  OBI-WAN

  [aside:] A wise philosopher if e’er there was.

  I’ll warrant he hath character he hides.

  [To Luke:] Now prithee, try again, and lay aside

  Thy conscious self. Take thou this helmet thick,

  Adorn thine eyes with silver shield opaque

  And trust thine instincts only as thy guide.

  LUKE

  But surely ’tis a jest! For with this shield

  I nothing now can see. How can I fight?

  Aye, truly—fight or walk or even stand?

  Without one’s sight but little can be done.

  OBI-WAN

  Nay, ’tis in blindness one doth truly see!

  For eyes deceive and sight is known to lie.

  Let feelings be thy sight—their guidance trust!

  CHORUS

  With mind unsure Luke re
adies for the fight.

  The small remote doth dodge most suddenly,

  But with calm mind Luke blocks its lasers bright—

  With inner eye the Force has let him see.

  OBI-WAN

  Hurrah! Thou canst do it!

  HAN

  —’Tis luck, no more.

  OBI-WAN

  Experience hath taught me much, dear man,

  And none of it hath shown me aught of luck.

  HAN

  To find success against a small remote,

  Is well, and taketh skill, I do confess.

  To find success against a living soul,

  However, also taketh excellence.

  [Console beeps.

  It seemeth we draw near to Alderaan.

  [Exeunt Han Solo and Chewbacca.

  LUKE

  I did feel something, Obi-Wan, ’tis true.

  It seems I fix’d my soul’s eye on th’remote.

  OBI-WAN

  Seems, young one? Nay, thou didst! Think thou not seems.

  Thou hast thy first step ta’en toward a world

  Far greater than thou now canst understand.

  [Exeunt Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2.

  And thus begins—if I have seen aright—

  His transformation into Jedi Knight.

  [Exit Obi-Wan.

  SCENE 7.

  Inside the Death Star.

  Enter DARTH VADER and GRAND MOFF TARKIN.

  Enter OFFICER CASS opposite.

  CASS

  My Lord, our scout ships have reach’d Dantooine.

  Remains of th’rebel base the scouts have found,

  Yet surely hath it been a length of time

  Deserted. Now shall they begin to search

  Surrounding systems, so to find the base.

  [Exit Officer Cass.

  TARKIN

  The wench hath lied! Deceiving, cut-throat girl,

  Most cunning princess born of Hell’s own heart!

  VADER

  I knew full well she never would betray

  Her priz’d Rebellion whilst in her right mind.

  And thus I said: she ne’er should have our trust.

  TARKIN

  Destroy her! ’Tis a sentence more than just.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 8.

  Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.

  Enter HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA.

  HAN

  Now dropping out of light speed’s frantic rush

  We enter swift unto the area

  Where should there be great Alderaan in view.

  But pray, what madness meets the Falcon’s flight?

  Is this an ast’roid field I see before me?

  The ship hath wrought a course direct and true,

  And yet no Alderaan may here be found.

  O errand vile, O portents of great ill!

  What shall it mean, when planets are no more,

  For those who make their wages by the stars?

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI and LUKE SKYWALKER.

  LUKE

  What news, good Han?

  HAN

  —The ship’s position hits

  The mark, and yet no Alderaan there is.

  LUKE

  I pray thee, marry, say: what canst thou mean?

  How can a planet vanish in the air?

  HAN

  Thou hast said right, my lad. It is not there.

  The planet’s gone, all turned to rock and ash.

  LUKE

  Thou speak’st not right. Say how? Pray how? Tell how!

  OBI-WAN

  Destroy’d it was, and by the Empire cruel.

  HAN

  A thousand thousand ships could not destroy

  The planet. Truly ’twould take greater pow’r

  Than ever there was known to humankind.

  But soft! Another ship approaches quick.

  [A small ship flies quickly past the Millennium Falcon.

  LUKE

  Belike they can the tale to us relate.

  OBI-WAN

  Imperi’l fighter ’tis.

  LUKE

  —Hath it made chase?

  OBI-WAN

  Nay, nay! A short-range fighter ’tis. [Aside:] O how

  This situation here doth give me pause.

  HAN

  No base is there nearby. Whence cometh it?

  [Aside:] The courage in me melts away at this.

  My boasts cannot resolve this mystery.

  LUKE

  The ship departeth swiftly! If they have

  Identifi’d our lot, we shall have strife.

  HAN

  ’Tis my intent to keep us from that Fate.

  Chewbacca, render its transmissions block’d.

  OBI-WAN

  Pray, let it go, ’tis too far flown.

  HAN

  —Not long!

  OBI-WAN

  Dost thou agree—a fighter of its size

  This deep in space could not have come alone?

  LUKE

  Belike ’twas in a group and now is lost.

  HAN

  It shall not live to tell the tale today.

  LUKE

  Forsooth! He makes his way to that small moon.

  HAN

  I may play checkmate on him ere he lands.

  OBI-WAN

  Alas—I sense the game, and we’re the pawns.

  That is no moon. ’Tis a space station there.

  [The Death Star looms in the distance, growing closer.

  HAN

  ’Tis far too large a space station to be.

  LUKE

  My feelings now do stir, I sense them well!

  They tell me we shall lose the match we play.

  OBI-WAN

  Pray, turn thee now the ship around.

  HAN

  —I shall!

  Now Chewie, lock thou quick th’auxill’ry pow’r.

  LUKE

  Why do we still approach? What can be done?

  HAN

  It hath th’advantage, using tractor beam

  To pull us in, unto its landing bay.

  LUKE

  But pray, some move thou must have left to make!

  HAN

  My moves are finish’d, lad, I must shut down,

  Else shall the ship entire soon come apart.

  But still, with all my players I shall fight.

  OBI-WAN

  Thou canst not win, but will by strategy

  Some good alternatives to fighting see.

  CHORUS

  So enters the Millenn’um Falcon in

  Unto the Death Star, grand and stark and mean.

  With fear the Wookiee and the three brave men

  Look on as their space journey changes scene.

  Meanwhile, the denizens within the base

  Make haste to catch the ship that cometh near.

  Commanders come with well-arm’d guards apace,

  While stormtroopers do at their posts appear.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 1.

  Inside the Death Star.

  Enter DARTH VADER, GRAND MOFF TARKIN, and ENVOY.

  ENVOY

  A freighter hath been captur’d entering

  The system Alderaan. Its markings match

  A ship that hath Mos Eisley quickly fled.

  VADER

  This errant ship, belike, endeavors to

  Return the plans unto the princess who,

  Within this base, is lock’d in guarded cell.

  [To Grand Moff Tarkin:] Perhaps the princess yet hath use to us.

  [Exit Grand Moff Tarkin. Vader crosses to the ship.

  Enter OFFICER 1, STORMTROOPERS, and GUARDS 1 and 2.

  OFFICER 1

  No person is aboard the ship, my Lord.

  The log maintain’d on board doth tell a tale

  Of all the crew abandoning the ship

  Directly after its departure. ’Tis

  No doubt a decoy, Sir. For all the pods
r />   Have launchèd been.

  VADER

  —Hast thou found any droids?

  OFFICER 1

  Nay, truly not, my Lord. If there had been,

  Then surely must they have abandon’d too.

  VADER

  Send thou a scanning crew aboard the ship,

  And check its nooks and crannies, ev’ry bit.

  OFFICER 1

  Aye, good, my Lord.

  VADER

  [aside:] —Distract’d is my mind,

  But through its cloudy haze the reason comes:

  Unless I am in error, someone here

  Has come. I have not felt this presence since

  The days that are but dark in memory.

  This presence I have known since I was young,

  This presence that once call’d me closest friend,

  This presence that hath all my hopes betray’d,

  This presence that hath turn’d my day to night.

  This awful presence present here must be,

  So shall I to this presence violence

  Present.

  [Exit Darth Vader.

  OFFICER 1

  —Now to thy work, and scan the ship!

  TROOPER 5

  The scan is done; no living soul is here.

  [Exeunt stormtroopers.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, C-3PO, and R2-D2, hidden.

  LUKE

  ’Tis fortunate thou hast these storage bins.

  HAN

  Their use hath ever been for smuggling goods.

  Ne’er have I thought I would myself herein